


Remember Me

by flightlesswish



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst with a Happy Ending, Attempt at Humor, M/M, Misunderstandings, Parallel Universes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-07
Updated: 2017-12-07
Packaged: 2019-02-11 17:34:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 35,002
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12940266
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flightlesswish/pseuds/flightlesswish
Summary: "Do you believe in parallel universe?"





	Remember Me

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! Welcome to my first Kai/Baekhyun fanfic and my first EXO fanfic in about two years. This piece was written in 2012 - 2015 and was intended as an entry to the big bang challenge. Unfortunately it did not work out so here we go. I will say more about this piece at the end notes of this post, for now please enjoy reading!
> 
> (p.s. some minor trigger warnings will only be references in nature with no graphic descriptions of such scenes in this story.)
> 
> Disclaimer: I own nothing but the story. I write fiction not reality.

R E M E M B E R   M E

 

 

Sometimes if she were not busy or tired, when Baekhyun slept over at Jongin’s house, Mrs Kim would read them stories. Baekhyun and Jongin would listen diligently, their small figures safe under the blankets. Mrs Kim was a great story-teller, Baekhyun remembered, and those story-telling nights had always been the best nights. One of those nights, Mrs Kim read them a story about a boy who went for an adventure into the forest. His parents had told him to stay away from the forest— but he was just a boy, the long for challenge and thrill was only natural. He only had a small knife with him and no other things. Thrilled by the wild, he strode deeper and deeper into the forest, and before he knew it the sun was already gone. The sky was dark, and the silence was deafening. The boy became scared eventually; but he kept on running forward, until his legs were giving away.

Jongin frowned at this, “But, why did he run _forward_? His home was behind him, why din’t he—”

“Sssh, Jongin!” Baekhyun shushed him, glaring at the younger boy. Jongin shut up sadly. Mrs Kim merely gave them a soft smile, and continued reading.

The boy then remembered what his mama once told him: “If you got lost, follow the light, and you will find your way home.” And with eyes full of tears, the boy looked at his surrounding once more, both left and right, but he found no light. He then looked up to the sky. It was full of stars, all shining bright. So the boy decided to follow the brightest star and after a while, he found a bright light striking through the darkness in front of him. He walked towards the light, and he found his way back home at last.

“And that’s it for today, sweethearts,” Mrs Kim concluded, smiling. Baekhyun sighed in awe, while Jongin made a pouty face. Mrs Kim kissed their forehead gently and wished them a sweet dream. Baekhyun felt some warmth left him and saw Jongin inched away from him, turning his back on the older boy. Sighing, Baekhyun pulled the blanket up to his chin and closed his eyes. 

Not long after Mrs Kim left, though, Jongin snuggled closer to Baekhyun and murmured, “I don’t want to go towards the light.”

Baekhyun opened his eyes lazily and gave the younger boy his full attention, raising his eyebrows, “But why? Light means you’re safe, light means home.”

Jongin gave him a pout. “But isn’t it scary? There could be monsters there, and once you’re in, there’s no turning back anymore.”

Baekhyun laughed then, eyes turning into a pair of crescent moons, similar to the one hanging in the sky that night.

“But Jongin, what could be dangerous about a promise of home?”

 

 

 

 

To be honest, both Baekhyun and Jongin never remembered the days when they didn’t know each other. Baekhyun had been in Jongin’s life for as long as he remembered, and vice-versa.

(“You practically can’t live a single day in your life without me,” Jongin had said in one of their movie nights, mouth full of caramel popcorn. Baekhyun pushed him off the couch and laughed when Jongin fell onto the floor with a loud thud.

“I’m two years older than you, Kim Jongin, so there, I’ve lived two whole years without you. Ha,” Baekhyun said smugly. Jongin kicked Baekhyun dangling legs and sat back up. “Let me correct myself: you practically can’t live a single day in your life without me _since_ I was born,” Jongin smirked. They then proceeded into a childish tickling battle, ended with Baekhyun sitting on top of Jongin, claiming his victory.)

They did almost everything together. The only activity outside school Jongin had that did not involve Baekhyun was his dance class. Baekhyun would hang out with his other friends or sometimes he would be there to watch Jongin dance. The older boy would watch him in awe, mouth slightly ajar. Jongin had been the best in his dance class and he’s especially good at ballet and jazz, although he was good at the other dance genres too. Dancing had been Jongin’s greatest passion.

On the other hand, dancing to Jongin was like singing to Baekhyun. Although Baekhyun didn’t take any vocal classes, Jongin often caught him singing some pop songs alone. Baekhyun’s voice was beautiful, Jongin thought, and the world needed to listen to that voice. Baekhyun was shy and stopped abruptly when Jongin first caught him singing _Farewell Review_ on the school’s rooftop one day.

(“Don’t tell my parents,” Baekhyun had blurted out immediately, face pale. Jongin knitted his eyebrows. “Why?” Baekhyun merely shook his head sadly, saying nothing, then walked away.)

Unlike Jongin’s parents, Baekhyun’s parents were stricter to their son. They told Baekhyun to study instead of wasting time on practicing his singing, let alone taking vocal lessons. _You don’t need to be able to sing to be a good lawyer_ , Mr Byun had said, _you only had to study hard.You got it, Byun Baekhyun?_

Byun Baekhyun always obeyed his parents.

 

 

 

 

Jongin had been Baekhyun’s only listener. Jongin asked him one day, _don’t you want to be on stage and sing for people?_ Baekhyun offered him a smile, there was sadness behind those eyes. _It’s okay_ , he said softly, almost sincerely. _I have you, that’s enough._

 

 

 

 

Although Baekhyun was two years older than Jongin, he was also smaller and weaker than Jongin who now, at the age of seventeen, stood at 180 cm. That somehow made Jongin feel that it’s his duty to protect Baekhyun from the bad guys at school and yelled that only he and he alone was allowed to make Baekhyun cry.

Jongin did not remember when exactly, but he started getting this strange feeling every time Baekhyun got too close or when the older boy smiled. He felt something in his stomach churned and his heart beat much faster and louder. It was exciting but it was also painful, to the point it became unbearable at times.

Jongin thought he was dying.

So one day he decided to ask Oh Sehun, who was second in line on his not-so-long best-friends list. Sehun was always the top of his class, and although he was annoying at times, he never hesitated to help Jongin out and to answer to Jongin’s questions, no matter how ridiculous they were.

“I think I’m dying,” Jongin had blurted out over one of their studying sessions at the library. Sehun merely raised his eyebrows, tilting his head slightly to the side.

Jongin ran his hand over his hair frustrated, “I think there’s something wrong with me,” he elaborated. Sehun just stared. “Really, _really_ wrong.” Jongin added desperately, hands flailing.

“And why do you think so? You don’t look like someone who’s going to die anytime soon to me,” Sehun sighed, massaging his suddenly aching temples. Jongin started to explain and tried to describe the feelings as best as he could, complete with hand gestures, various face expressions and incoherent sounds both he and Sehun hadn’t known he could make.

“Well that’s... interesting,” Sehun responded, looking pensive. Jongin made a sound that sounded oddly similar to the sound of a dying whale, which earned them annoyed looks from the people around them.

Sehun finally sighed, “It’s very obvious.” He paused. ”Actually, I’m surprised you didn’t realize this earlier.”

Jongin frowned. “Realize what?”

“That you’re in love with him, stupid,” Sehun deadpanned, as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world.

Jongin’s widened his eyes. “I _what_?” then he frowned, mouth gaping open.

“Do I really need to spell it out to you?” Sehun asked, rolling his eyes. When Jongin said nothing, Sehun softened his eyes. “You’re in love with Byun Baekhyun, Kim Jongin.”

Jongin blinked.

“Hahahaha that’s really funny, Sehun, really funny,” Jongin laughed humorlessly, then he stopped. He suddenly felt dizzy. “I’m not in love with Byun Baekhyun. God, no. Just. _No_.”

_I can’t be._

Sehun simply smiled. “We’ll see.”

 

 

 

 

Baekhyun was in his senior year in high school, and his graduation was approaching soon. Jongin knew this was going to happen sooner or later, but he couldn’t really ignore the weird feeling of not being with Baekhyun everyday for at least a year, since the older boy was going to move out to an apartment close to his university. It would save him the transportation fare and time of going to and from the campus; besides, it would also make him concentrate on his studies better. After all, majoring in law was no easy feat.

“I’ll be back, you know. For holidays.” Baekhyun said one night as they were laying on the field ten-minutes of walk away from Baekhyun’s house, right after Jongin’s dance class.

Jongin snorted, “Who says I’m going to miss you, jerk.” Baekhyun elbowed Jongin’s ribcage, hard, which earned the older a shriek— a pitch too high, Baekhyun noted amusedly— from the younger. As Jongin busied himself with muttering such colorful vocabularies he knew, he found himself being pulled closer. He blinked. Baekhyun’s arms were enveloping him, and the older’s face was pressed close against his chest. And then there’s that strange feeling again.

“What the hell— “

“Just stay like this. Please. Just a minute.” Baekhyun murmured against Jongin’s rapid heartbeats. Jongin took a lungful of air, trying to calm his heart. He then softened his eyes, hands slowly finding their way to Baekhyun’s back. “What’s wrong, hyung?” Jongin asked tentatively, genuinely concerned. Baekhyun wasn’t usually like this, for he was usually cheerful and bright.

“Nothing,” Baekhyun mumbled, pulling the younger boy closer.

_Thump thump thump_

“It’s gonna be okay,” Jongin breathed, rubbing the shorter’s back in circles.

_We’re gonna be okay._

He buried his face deeper into Baekhyun’s dark brown locks, losing himself in the scent of strawberries. Jongin smiled. Some things never change indeed.

It was particularly hot that night and Jongin’s shirt was drenched in sweat, but neither of them pulled away. They stayed like that for heartbeats longer, then Baekhyun looked up to Jongin, the corner of his lips tugged upwards to play the most beautiful smile Jongin had ever seen.

Jongin was stunned for a second, then he felt something clicked in his mind.

 _Oh_.

 

 

 

 

“Sehun, I think you’re right,” Jongin said breathlessly over a phone call a few hours later.

“I’m always right,” Sehun deadpanned on the other end of the line.

Jongin hated Sehun so _much_.

 

 

 

 

Graduation came not long after. It was February 14th, 2011.

Jongin saw Baekhyun in his black gown, happily receiving his diploma on the podium. Their eyes met and Baekhyun beamed, and within seconds he’s already in Jongin’s arms.

“It’s over, God, it’s really _over_ ,” Baekhyun said gleefully, pulling himself away from Jongin. Jongin smirked and handed the older boy a bouquet of roses he bought on his way to the school.

“Congratulations,” Jongin said sincerely, “Our little Baekhyun is ready for the real life now, I’m so touched.”  Baekhyun smacked the younger’s head playfully before accepting the bouquet, smiling smugly. Baekhyun was smelling roses in delight before suddenly he’s being lifted from the ground by none other than Park Chanyeol. Chanyeol swung Baekhyun in a full circle before letting the smaller boy down again, giggling.

“Chanyeol-hyung,” Jongin smiled, pulling Chanyeol into a bro-hug, hard. Chanyeol laughed loudly as they part, before he noticed the bouquet in Baekhyun arms then he pouted.

“No roses for me?” He asked in a mock sadness tone that was not at all unfamiliar to them, since they had known each other for four years now.

“You know what, hyung, I think I should bring you a good luck charm instead. You’ll need it to endure living with Baekhyun-hyung later—” Jongin joked, which immediately earned him a playful punch on the arm and a pouting Baekhyun. Suddenly, he felt his phone buzzed in his pocket. It was a new message.

 

 

 

from: oh sedumb

tell him.

 

Jongin frowned and looked around. He spotted Sehun gazing at him from across the room.

 

to: oh sedumb     

i can’t. i’m not ready yet.

 

Even from there, Jongin could feel Sehun rolling his eyes. His phone beeped again.

 

from: oh sedumb

you’ll never be ready. be a man and just freaking go for it. it’s the valentine’s day, it’s a good day to do this kind of shit.

 

to: oh sedumb

what if he says no?

 

from: oh sedumb

i’ve bought plenty of tissues.

 

 

 

 

“Who’s that?” Baekhyun asked curiously, peeking to see who Jongin was texting with. Jongin immediately slided his phone back safely to his pocket, shaking his head furiously. “No one,” he mumbled, avoiding Baekhyun’s wide eyes.

“O...kay,” Baekhyun said slowly, “I’m just gonna go around greet people with Chanyeol then,” he smiled and turned on his heels to leave but he felt a grasp on his wrist. He turned back around to see Jongin’s hand on his wrist, stopping him. He raised his eyebrows. Jongin mentally told himself to man up.

“Would you like to have a dinner with me tonight?”

 

 

 

 

Baekhyun was, to be frank, surprised by Jongin’s sudden dinner invitation. The younger had invited him to a dinner at a fancy French restaurant thirty minutes drive away from Baekhyun’s house. Baekhyun had always wanted to eat there but he knew it would cost quite a fortune; after all it was a branch of the famous French restaurant chain owned by _the_ Francis Bonnefoy. Jongin, of course, knew this fact and Baekhyun couldn’t help but wonder if the younger man had been planning this for a long time.

When Baekhyun had asked whether he was sure or not to eat out at that restaurant, Jongin nodded firmly.  “I have something important to tell you,” Jongin had said, but wouldn’t answer when Baekhyun asked what it was. The taller only said, “You have to come, hyung, you _have_ to,” before he mumbled something about having a project to do with Sehun and left.

It felt strange to Baekhyun, since Jongin was the kind of person who would drop all the pretenses and say what he wanted straight to the point. _It must be really important this time_ , Baekhyun thought as he started his black Honda Jazz. It was raining quite heavily that evening; he had offered Jongin to pick the younger up, but the latter refused and told him they should meet at the restaurant instead. Baekhyun tried to rewind his memories— did Jongin do something horrible? Did Jongin steal anything away from him? Now that he thought about it, Jongin _did_ seem to gain a bizarre amount of interest in his collection of Michael Jackson CDs....

“Shit,” Baekhyun cursed; seemed like the road was blocked and he had to take a detour. With some difficulty because of the rain and the constantly moving wiper in front of him, he managed to read the sign telling him to go right, so he did. He stopped the car on the side to text Jongin that he’s going to be late, then he drove away. Baekhyun was not familiar with the road and it was slippery because of the rain.

The lighting on the road was scarce and the rain only made it worse. Baekhyun was only able to see a few meters ahead, so he sped down and his tried his best to focus on the road. Suddenly, there was a light flickering in front of him. He squinted his eyes only to realize that it was another car coming right to him, fast-sped with little control. He abruptly stepped on the brake but it was to no avail; there was a loud sound of screeching tires piercing through his eardrums and he was pushed back in his seat by a strong force almost immediately.

Baekhyun felt the world slowed down; he could see glass shards flying across from his peripheral vision and there was so much _red_. He wanted to scream because it _hurt,_ it hurt so _much_ , but nothing would come out. His head was throbbing violently and he could feel his ribs broke, and maybe his other bones too; there was so much pain before he felt an alien feeling of numbness steadily embracing his whole being.

Then there was silence.

_This is it._

Baekhyun let out a shaky breath, and let go.

 

 

 

 

Baekhyun had never really thought about the idea of dying.

It was one of the things in life that Baekhyun wanted think later, much later, when he’s sixty-something with graying hair and legs that had betrayed him. But even then, he doubt he’d still want to think about it. It’s a strange thing, death. Baekhyun thought he’d never be ready, but there he was: nineteen and full of life, surrendering to the death’s embrace quicker than he had expected. He wanted to fight for his life— he really did, after all he still had Jongin waiting for him and he really wanted to hear to what Jongin wanted to say; but the pain was too much to bear.  

People said when you were dying, your memories would flash right before your eyes just like watching scenes from a movie. But to Baekhyun, there was only dread and pain. The only thing he could see was the color red; _lots_ of it. He vaguely thought that maybe the memory-flashing thing only happen to good people. Maybe he’s just too much of a sinner to experience such. He had lost all of his senses almost immediately after he closed his eyes, then the world went still and the time felt as if it’s come to a halt. There was nothing, really, until after what seemed like aeons Baekhyun felt he regained his senses back gradually.

The next time Baekhyun opened his eyes, he was laying on a space ( _A room_? He couldn’t really tell) of darkness that seemed endless. He could feel his own bare skin under his fingertips and much to his surprise, there was no blood covering every inch of his skin like he had expected. In fact, he felt impeccably clean. His fingers traced along his skin to find any flaw and stopped on his bare chest: he could feel his heart beating, albeit weakly. He took a lungful of air tentatively, afraid that it would break his ribs, but the pain never came: he could breathe normally. These facts puzzled him more than they did relief him. _Aren’t I supposed to be dead?_

He could see nothing as darkness dominated the space completely, but he knew he couldn’t just stay there forever. He got on his knees, palms flat on the ground to test whether it’s safe enough to walk on. Deciding it was safe, he got on his feet and started walking forward blindly. He didn’t know what to expect, but he’d got nothing to lose anyway.  

After a while, he came across a glimpse of light striking through the darkness. He approached the light carefully and found that it was actually came from a door that was slightly ajar. He opened the door to find white space that seemed just as endless as the darkness behind him and hesitated; but light was always better than darkness, right?

The space inside was almost the same with the space of darkness he had just left behind, the obvious difference being the space he was in now was pure white. Aside of that, everything was pretty much the same.

Except he was not alone this time.

There was another boy with caramel-colored hair sitting still in front of a huge white door located a few meters from where he was. The boy was wearing a white robe and that made Baekhyun aware of his own state of nakedness. The boy didn’t show any sign that he noticed Baekhyun’s presence, his hazel eyes bored into the door, arms hugging his knees close to his chest. Baekhyun scanned the space and found another white robe lying not far to his right. He immediately took it and put it on; he didn’t want to appear naked in front of a stranger in their first meeting, did he? The robe fitted his small frame perfectly, much to his surprise, as if it was made only for him. He then moved to approach the boy.

“Um,” Baekhyun started tentatively when he was close enough. The boy turned his gaze to him, his doe eyes wide in surprise. The boy was, Baekhyun couldn’t help but to admit, beautiful. He looked fragile in the robe because unlike Baekhyun’s, the one he had on was bigger than his size, enveloping him like a blanket. The boy softened his eyes and Baekhyun felt his heart clenched as the corners of those pink lips tugged upwards, playing a smile. It was the kind of smile that would leave you speechless; it was sad yet beautiful.

“Hello,” the boy greeted in a small voice, eyes low. Baekhyun bowed out of habit, smiling hesitantly. The boy bowed his head slightly, smile faltering. He tapped his palm on the empty space beside him, inviting Baekhyun to sit on there. The boy had a very pale skin that Baekhyun could see the veins under very clearly. Baekhyun also noticed how thin the boy’s wrist was. He shook his head, pushing back the questions he had to the back of his mind, and obeyed. The boy gave him a faint smile and averted his gaze back to the door. They sat in silence for awhile before Baekhyun decided to break the silence. “What’s in there?”

The boy smiled, tilting his head slightly to the side. “I don’t know.”

Baekhyun frowned. “Why don’t you?”

The boy chuckled, shaking his head sadly. “It won’t open for me.” There’s wonder and curiosity in his voice as he said it. His eyes seemed distant, as if attempting to stare through into the door. Baekhyun turned his gaze to the boy, curious. “Why?”

The boy offered him a smile. “I guess it’s not my time yet.”

“Time? Time for what?” Baekhyun asked with narrowed eyes, baffled. The boy didn’t answer; instead he got up and walked towards the door. Baekhyun mimicked his action.

“How long have you been here?” Baekhyun asked as the boy placed his palm on the door, tracing the beautifully curved lines with his slender, delicate fingers. The boy stopped abruptly, turning his gaze to Baekhyun. There were creases on his forehead before they smoothened again, his eyes turned into crescents.

“Long enough,” he answered kindly, “I can’t remember how long exactly, though. It seems like I’ve lost the track of time.” Baekhyun was about to open his mouth again but the boy cut him by asking: “Why don’t you try to open it?”

Baekhyun raised his eyebrows, eyes widened. “Me?”

The boy nodded simply, looking pensive. “Even though it won’t open for me, it doesn’t mean it won’t for you.”

Baekhyun averted his gaze to the door. “Should I?”

The boy nodded, giving him an encouraging smile and stepped back. Baekhyun stepped forward, hand reaching for the door’s handle and clutched onto it. “Here we go,” he mumbled, then took a deep breath.

_One._

_Two._

_Three._

Baekhyun opened his eyes the same time as the door opened to reveal the brightest light he had ever seen striking through from the inside. It was so bright he couldn’t see what lie beyond. He stepped back, his hand shielding his eyes and immediately lost his balance, tumbling to the floor.

“What... what is that?” Baekhyun panted, averting his gaze to the boy. The boy said nothing, eyebrows knitted. He then walked towards the light, but immediately got thrown back when his hand was reaching in close into the light. He looked as puzzled as Baekhyun was for a moment; but soon realization dawned upon him.

“It’s opened only for you,” the boy concluded, voice just slightly louder than a whisper so that Baekhyun could hear. Baekhyun stared at him in horror. The boy stared intently at the light, looking as if he was solving a difficult puzzle.

“Strange,” the boy murmured, more to himself than to anyone else, lips pursed. Baekhyun felt his temples starting to ache: all of these was too much for him to take in such short period of time. The boy stood up suddenly as Baekhyun massaged his temples, eyes filled with horror. “The light is fading.”

Baekhyun stopped, following the boy’s gaze to see that he was right.

“What do we do oh God,” Baekhyun panicked, feeling dizzy.

The boy strode towards him impatiently and helped him to his feet, “Go in,” he commanded, voice rough.

Baekhyun frowned, “Wha— what? Go _in_? But— but how about you? How—” he stammered, but the boy was persistent. “You don’t have time, just go in, _now_.”

Baekhyun gulped down his nervousness, gathering his courage and walked towards the blinding light carefully.

( _I don’t want to go towards the light._ )

He was only one step away now.

( _But isn’t it scary? There could be monsters there, and once you’re in, there’s no turning back anymore._ )

He looked back to the boy, who was staring right back at him. There was sadness and something more that Baekhyun couldn’t understand in those hazel eyes, but it made his heart clenched. _I’m so sorry_ , Baekhyun wanted to say, _I know it’s not fair for you_.

“Have we met before?” Baekhyun blurted out instead. There was a surprise glint in the boy’s eyes but it disappeared as quickly as it came.

“Of course,” The boy said, lips breaking into a dazzling smile, “Byun Baekhyun-ssi.”

Baekhyun was stunned at that, but suddenly there was a strong force that was pulling him in. _How do you know my name?_ He wanted to ask, but nothing would come out from his throat anymore; He was dragged further and further by an unknown force into the light. The boy faded eventually from his vision and soon, there was nothing but the blinding light barging into his sight. He remembered the car crash, the blood, the pain, and the dread.

Then he remembered Jongin.

Kim Jongin.

( _But Jongin, what could be dangerous about a promise of home?_ )

Baekhyun closed his eyes.

 

 

 

 

Kim Jongin woke up with a start.

His alarm went off noisily beside him, demanding his immediate attention. He groaned, left hand blindly reaching to slam the alarm shut. Trembling slightly, he clamped his eyelids shut and allowed himself to fall back on the bed. He could feel his dampened bangs stuck on his forehead; there was a familiar feeling of sweat on his skin, stuck as if it was his second layer of skin. His head was throbbing, making him unable to form any decent thought. There was an odd sensation like his throat had been clogged up by air that felt akin to asphyxiate. His heartbeat grew fast and loud to his ears. He ran his hand on his forehead to wipe the sweat, fingertips tracing down to his temples and then to the corner of his eye.

It was only then had he realized that he had been crying.

He wiped the tears on his cheeks quickly, sobs threatening to break out from his tightly shut mouth. The apartment was quiet; the only sound audible was the clock ticking away from the living room right in front of his bedroom and the sound of his own heartbeats. He took a lungful of air shakily, releasing it slowly after exactly four seconds.

The images from his dream gradually came back to him. He had been dreaming it so often that he already had the scenes memorized unconsciously in his mind — the only ones he couldn’t remember were the faces —, but even that did not stop him from crying every time he woke up.

They had always been the same— He was standing there, looking at a boy. The boy was sitting on the corner of a fancy restaurant a few steps away from where he was standing, his black jet hair combed nicely for the occasion. The boy bit his lower lip, glancing at his wristwatch nervously. Ten minutes to go. He tapped his fingers on the white tablecloth absentmindedly, eyes gazing outside the window. The rain was pouring heavily, blurring the street lamps’ lights. After five more minutes passed, the boy’s phone buzzed from inside his pocket and he took it out, fingers quickly tapping on the screen. _The road’s blocked_ , the text said, _I’m going to be late_. He saw the boy turned his gaze to the blurring lights outside the window once again, eyes narrowed.

Jongin watched for another ten, fifteen, and then thirty minutes until the boy’s phone beeped again. It was a call this time. Jongin listened as the boy mumbled his _hello_ with a small voice to the end of the line. He sounded scared, Jongin had noted. Jongin saw the boy froze for a second before he trembled, dropping the phone on the floor with a thud. There were several pair of eyes on him now, half annoyed and half curious. The boy then stood up from his chair, and he looked so young, eyes filled with a mixture of anger, fear, and grief, striding shakily past Jongin and barged out into the pouring rain.

The scene then would change to him standing in the middle of a large theater. The lights were dim, only enough for him to see a grand yet lonely stage was in front of him. The theater felt so foreign and so familiar at the same time. He felt his heart clenched. Then the same boy from the restaurant walked in from the backstage, stopping only when he had reached the center of the stage. He then turned to his right, those familiar sharp, dark-brown eyes staring straight into Jongin’s. Jongin stared back and the eyes softened, but then there was blood streaming down from his temples, his lips, his eyes and his nose— Jongin’s hand automatically reached out when the boy fell on his knees, head hung low. Jongin tried to move but he felt like he was paralyzed; he couldn’t move an inch. The boy started wailing then, his body trembling. _It hurts_ , the boy cried, _it hurts so_ much, _please, please make it stop—_

It continued like that for some more minutes before the boy laid in silence on the stage. The deafening silence always sent chills running down Jongin’s spine.

The boy then lifted his face slowly, eyes dark as they cried blood. Jongin shivered, his body started shaking and his eyes started to sting. The boy’s face had changed, his lips shut tight. Jongin wanted to scream, but nothing would come out; his eyes already blurred with tears. He felt the air grew thinner around him and it was getting hard to breathe. The boy stared at him straight in the eye, eyes unforgiving and voice as cold as ice, saying words that would haunt Jongin till the end of his life:

 

 

 

_You killed me._

 

 

Kim Jongin was twenty-five, graduated with honors and was the top graduate from Seoul National University’s Law School which then landed him a spot on South Korea’s top law firm as soon as he graduated. He lived in an apartment in the heart of Seoul all by himself.

Usually, Jongin would spend most of his day at the office or at his best-friend’s apartment. Oh Sehun, the said best-friend, was three months younger than him and was an architect prodigy. It made him really busy most of the time, working (“—yourself to death, “ Jongin had once said when he slept over at Sehun’s apartment. Sehun kicked him off the bed but didn’t deny the statement) on designs and such even at home where he’s supposed to relax.

They had the keys and the passwords to each other’s apartments; they trusted each other that much. It was important for emergency situations like when one of them decided that the night was too unbearable to be spent alone, they could slip into each other’s apartment and had breakdown sessions. Besides, Sehun often went away for business purposes and he often asked Jongin to check on his apartment while he was away.

It was a cheerful Saturday morning, and Jongin was bored to death. Sehun was away for work to Beijing since three days ago and said that he would come back this afternoon.

A bowl of cereal and an episode of _Spongebob Squarepants_ later, Jongin decided it had been awhile since the last time he visited his parents. He got off from his comfy beige couch and walked to his room to change his clothes.

Jongin drove his classy black Audi slowly, enjoying the ride back home. It was an hour of ride away by car, but he’s in no rush anyway so he stopped by a grocery store and bought some fruits for his parents. They’d love it.  

One and a half hour later, Jongin stood in front of his parents’ house, a basket of fruits in his hand. He rang the door bell and waited. Nothing much had changed, he noticed, as he eyed his mother’s growing orchids. He frowned as five minutes pass and no one came to open the door.

“Jongin-ah?”

Jongin turned around to see Mrs Kim, their neighbor, standing in front of the fence. His lips broke into a smile and he immediately approached the middle-aged woman. “Mrs Kim, it’s been awhile,” he greeted, bowing his head low.

Mrs Kim laughed cheerfully, “Indeed, indeed, been three months hasn’t it? What’re you doing here, boy?” Jongin tilted his head slightly to the side, his free hand moved to the back of his neck. ”I was going to visit my parents but looks like they’re not home,” he answered, sighing.

“Ah, they said they were going to go visit your sister this early morning. I think they’ve left already,” Mrs Kim said, smiling sympathetically.

Jongin widened his eyes in surprise. “Really?”  He felt kind of betrayed somehow.

“Yes, your mother had told me yesterday; she said they’d be staying at your sister’s for the night. Did you not notice them you were coming?” Jongin shook his head sadly. “Poor boy, I think you should come back tomorrow,” Mrs Kim said kindly, hand reaching to ruffle his hair. Jongin thanked her and she went on to go to the market.  

 _Great_ , Jongin thought, _now what should I do_. He got back into his car and put the basket onto the backseat. He took out his phone: it was still hours away till Sehun would be home. He ignited the engine and drove aimlessly, reminiscing the past as he passed by familiar places.

Before long, he found himself stopping in front of a field; a field that he often went to as a child. He hadn’t been here for quite awhile. He turned off the engine and got out of the car. Almost immediately, the cool autumn breeze hit his face gently. He took a lungful of fresh air, smiling. He walked to the side and found an old familiar bench made from wood, empty. He sat down, eyes scanning the field.

It was strange to see the field empty like this, especially when it’s Sunday. When he was a child, there would be quite a few children playing here and sometimes they would play soccer together and be friends over that. Now children found technology much more fun, he guessed. He was kind of sad to see the once lively field turned into like this, to be honest.

The cool breeze made him feel drowsy eventually. He carefully laid himself down on the bench, facing the blue skies. The clouds were swimming slowly up above and the sight made him feel calmer despite the initial discomfort at the feel of his back against the rigid wood. He fluttered his eyes shut as his mind flew back to four days ago.

(“I’m going to Beijing for three days tomorrow, meeting clients.” Sehun announced when he appeared from his bedroom to the dining room, yesterday’s newspaper in hand. Jongin raised his eyebrows, stopped stirring his coffee. Sehun flopped himself down to the couch and started reading.

“Are you sure you gonna be okay?” Jongin had said, hands nursing his coffee mug. Sehun looked up from the newspaper, an eyebrow raised.

Jongin continued, “Do you really have to go? I think it’s a bad idea, Lu—” Jongin almost dropped his coffee mug as a cushion was thrown right on his face. Sehun did not talk to him for the rest of the day.)

Sehun had been his best friend since they were five. They had always been together since then, going to the elementary school to high school together. It was when they graduated high school did they “separate”, although not really because they still shared an apartment, when Jongin opted for law school and Sehun went to architectural school.

Although they were really close, romantic relationship never occurred between them. They were a lot more like brothers; they understood the unspoken words and took care for each other a lot. To be honest, though, Jongin thought he might have fallen for Sehun at some point, but clearly he did not know what love truly meant. It was only when he saw the way Sehun looked at Lu Han and vice-versa did he understand how love was supposed to be.

Sehun first met Lu Han four years ago, when he and Jongin was in their second year. They met in a club one Satuday night, when they decided to get wasted with their friends. Yixing, Jongin and Sehun’s old friend from the dance class they used to take, brought Lu Han with him.

Lu Han  was four years older than them, although his baby face and overall delicate figure betrayed him completely, and was a model by profession. He was soft-spoken and well-mannered, and his smile was the most beautiful smile Jongin had ever seen. The moment Sehun’s eyes met Lu Han’s, they literally froze on their spots. There was so much more than a mere casual stare; it’s like witnessing a reunion of two long-lost parts of a single soul.

(“Do you believe in soulmates?” Sehun had asked when they got home. Jongin smiled at him, eyebrows raised.

“Maybe.” He answered, shrugging slightly. “Why do you ask?” It was a rethorical question, for Jongin had understood the right answer, but he still voiced it out anyway.

Sehun heaved out a sigh, burying his face in his hands. “This is crazy,” he murmured, “but I think I’ve just met my soulmate.”)

Sehun and Lu Han got together eventually, and Jongin was genuinely happy for them, he really was. Sehun moved out in their third year of uni to live with Lu Han then. Jongin did not mind, really, for they looked perfect together: a match made from heaven, he dared to say. They helped him believe the idea of there’s someone out there made for him and for him alone and vice-versa. Someone that he could take with him for the rest of his life; someone he could love until even forever would never be enough.

That was why it had baffled Jongin to no end, it still did even now, when one night, half a year ago Sehun came practically barging into his apartment, tears fell heavily from the corners of his eyes, looking hurt and— although not physically, broken.     

 _I love him so much_ , Sehun had said in Jongin’s arms, _I love him so fucking much it fucking hurts_. Jongin felt his heart clenched as he moved his hand to the younger’s trembling back, soothing him gently. _I know_ , Jongin replied, _I know you do_. There was no _what’s wrong_ s, no _what happened_ s, because Jongin knew words were not what Sehun needed right now. A broken heart didn’t _listen_ , it _felt_.

Lu Han moved out from their apartment the next day, leaving a note that he had gone back to Beijing and Sehun never mentioned the man ever since. He stayed at Jongin’s for three days before going back to his apartment. Jongin had told him to stay, to move back in, but the younger refused. Sehun had always been the stubborn one. Needless to say Jongin was worried, worried that Sehun would do something stupid and such, but Sehun opened his door for Jongin the next day as if nothing happened; as if a man named Lu Han had never existed in his life. But Jongin knew very well it was just a mask to protect himself from getting hurt even more. Other people might be fooled of Sehun’s smiles, but he could never fool Jongin. Jongin had known him too well to be fooled by that thick mask hiding everything that was shattered behind.

 

 

 

 

The next time Jongin opened his eyes, he was blinded by the sunlight and there were spots swimming in his sight. He sat up lazily, stretching his body. He felt his back ache and groaned. His wristwatch told him that it was a little over two p.m. — he had been asleep for two hours. His hand unconsciously reaching into his jeans’ pocket for his phone. No missed calls, no new messages. Sehun was supposed to already board on his plane home right now. He wondered whether Sehun was alright. The younger man hadn’t called or texted him since yesterday.

Jongin got off from the bench, taking one last look on the field and got back to his car. He decided to drive back home, air conditioner turned off and window pulled down. The cool wind blew in gently as the radio played his personal favorite: The Real ft. Ock Jonghyun’s _Farewell Review_.

 

 

 

 

 

Being a lawyer had taught Jongin to expect the unexpected.

That didn’t make him any less surprised, though, when he found a stranger sitting in front of his apartment door, knees pressed closely to his chest, fingers running over his messy dark brown hair. He was wearing an unbuttoned black coat with matching shirt under, dark-colored jeans fit his skinny legs perfectly. Jongin tilted his head slightly to the side, trying to remember whether he had an appointment that day. He didn’t.

“Um. Excuse me,” Jongin started hesitantly, stopping just beside the stranger. The stranger looked up to reveal a boyish face with small eyes and a slightly gaping mouth. Jongin suddenly shuddered, a sense of déjà vu hit him like a strong wave. He was almost positive he had seen the man before, but _where_? He couldn’t remember.

The stranger’s eyes widened but his expression showed that he was relieved; to what reason Jongin did not know. The stranger stood up almost immediately and the next second he was already in Jongin’s arms sobbing while mumbling something that Jongin recognized as his own name.

 

 

 

 

With some difficulties Jongin managed to get both of them into his apartment— after all, standing in front of your house with a man you just met crying in your arms wasn’t really a situation you wanted to explain to people. He put the fruit basket on the table and guided the stranger to sit on the couch.

Jongin massaged his shoulder when he finally managed to get the stranger sit down, although the smaller man’s still sobbing and trembling. Jongin’s head was starting to ache.

“Okay.” Jongin said more to himself, taking a deep breath. He took his own coat off then slung it casually over the couch. “Would you please tell me who you are and what were you doing in front of my apartment?”

The man looked rather surprised at the question, eyes widened. “What are you talking about, Jongin-ah?” he asked, confusion clear in his voice. Jongin gave him a look. “What are _you_ talking about?”

The man knitted his eyebrows. “I was going to the restaurant that night after my graduation because you asked me to have a dinner together and I got into a car crash and I thought I was dead but I’m not. I guess? I’m alive, aren’t I? You can see me, right?” the man waved his hands tentatively. Jongin frowned. _What dinner?_ The man seemingly took Jongin’s silence as a yes and went on.

“But then I was in this weird place and there was a door and a boy, he told me to open the door and I did. Only I could get through and the next time I knew it I was on this strange alley.” the man paused, biting his lower lip. “You know, that night I wasn’t wearing this outfit and that alley was not at all close to the place I got into that horrible car crash, but there’s a wallet in my pocket—” he took out the said wallet, “—and the ID Card is mine, although the address is different.” Jongin took the wallet and examined the ID Card intently.

Byun Baekhyun. May 6th, 1992.

Twenty-seven.

“So I took a cab to my house but the house’s empty and no one recognized me at all; the neighbors said that the house had been empty for years. They even went as much as saying that they didn’t know my parents— but I lived _there_ , _we_ did, it might have been only a day or a week since the car crash for goodness’ sake, how could they say such nonsense?

“Then I went to your house but it’s also empty, an _ahjumma_ said you were just there few moments previously and that I should go to your apartment instead. Jongin, since when did you move out from your parents’ house? And move into this expensive-looking apartment? Is this what you wanted to tell me? You haven’t even graduated high school yet— “

“Okay, stop.” Jongin cut him off, raising a hand. The man, _Baekhyun_ , shut up. Jongin folded his arms over his chest, eyebrows knitted. “First of all, I do not know who you are. I did not ask you to a dinner. I do not know how you know me— just _listen_ ,” Jongin hissed when Baekhyun opened his mouth to retort, “and I have, in fact, graduated high school six _years_ ago.”

Baekhyun looked too shocked at this information. He opened his mouth but closed it again, struggling to find the right words to say. “Is this a prank? Because it’s not funny.” Baekhyun finally asked with a frown, arms crossed. Jongin gave him a look that said _are-you-kidding-me_.

Jongin heaved finally a long sigh, fingertips running over his aching temples. “Look, I can’t help you with your, uh, memory but I can help to get you home. Unless you want to call someone to pick you up? You have your phone with you?”

Baekhyun said nothing, eyes distant as if he were in a deep thought. Jongin flopped himself down on the couch, closing his eyes. He started to pity Baekhyun; the shorter man might have involved in an accident and got an amnesia or such, and he was... lost. Yep. That must be it. The poor man must be feeling really miserable right now.

“You can stay for the night. If you want.” Jongin offered after a minute of silence. Jongin was truly a gentleman. Baekhyun looked as harmless as a puppy anyway.

Baekhyun turned his gaze to him, eyebrows raised. “I can?”

Jongin’s lips curled slightly. “Yes.” He said, then he paused. “But you’re sleeping on the couch.”

Jongin liked to _think_ of himself as a true gentleman.

“Jerk.” Baekhyun huffed. Jongin stuck his tongue out childishly. He got up then, hand fishing into his pocket for his phone. He gave Baekhyun a warm smile.

“I don’t really cook but we can order take-out. You like pizza?” he could see Baekhyun’s eyes lit up at the mention of food.

“Pepperoni pizza with extra cheese?” the older man grinned which made Jongin raise his eyebrows in surprise. How could this stranger know his favorite?

Oblivious to Jongin’s thoughts, Baekhyun smiled gleefully. “Yes please.”

 

 

 

 

That night after he gave Baekhyun a warm blanket and a set of his pajamas (as expected, they’re bigger than Baekhyun’s size; and to be honest it made the man looked more adorable than he already was. Wait. _What_.), Jongin locked the door behind him, changed into his pajamas, turned his laptop on, and connected it to the internet. He typed in “Byun Baekhyun” onto the search engine and waited.

What he found a few seconds later, though, was not he had expected at all. He had expected to find nothing, really. Maybe a few basic information: name, address, the schools he went to— that’s all. He hadn’t expected to find millions of pages about the man and even quite a few _fan cafes_ dedicated to him. This made Jongin frown. He clicked the first page on top of the search result.

Byun Baekhyun, born on May 6th, 1992 in Bucheon, Gyeonggi Province, South Korea, is a famous Korean solo singer. He was scouted by S.M. Entertainment in 2011 and made his debut on January 30th, 2012. He is famous for his unique vocal that has won him several major awards listed below—

On top of the article was a picture of Baekhyun smiling brightly to the camera, a shiny trophy with _Best Solo Singer of the Year_ craved beautifully on it in his hands. Jongin knitted his eyebrows. S.M. Entertainment was the biggest entertainment agency in South Korea, and being one of its artists was a huge deal. Jongin scanned the awards Baekhyun had got as a singer listed on the page— _Best Solo Singer of the Year’_ s _, Song of the Year_ ‘s _, Album of the Year_ ‘s _,_ and the list went on. Baekhyun must have been a really good singer. This explained the feeling of familiarity he had earlier— he must have seen Baekhyun on TV or magazines.

Jongin proceeded to Baekhyun’s biggest fan cafe and saw the newest thread was made three days ago.  He raised his eyebrows and clicked it open.

 

**Title                                          Baekhyun oppa went missing? TT_TT**

**whitehyun0605**

okay I know it isn’t official yet but seems like baekhyun oppa went missing. A few fans said that baekhyun oppa hasn’t been home for two days now and manager oppa has been acting weird. Don’t you think it’s strange how they cancelled all of oppa’s activities until “further notice”? I’m really sad, is oppa kidnapped by some bad guys? Is oppa’s life in a danger? TT_TT

 

 **baekyeolforlaif**             

chanyeol oppa acts weird all the time js

 

 **byunbaconlove**             

omg no TT_TT I can’t imagine my life without baekhyun oppa!!!!

 

 **omonabaconah**               

perhaps he’s going to enlist for the military soon?

 

 **hyunbaekbyuns**             

oppa please come back to us T_T

 

If these were right, Baekhyun had been missing for five days now. But why? He didn’t look like he had been kidnapped, that much Jongin could tell. He had dealt with kidnapping victims before and Baekhyun didn’t look like one. Perhaps this was all a mistake. He should talk it out with Baekhyun tomorrow, and contact his manager to take the singer back home. He turned off his laptop and laid himself to the bed, pulling the blanket up to his chin. He glanced at his phone. No messages nor calls from Sehun. He took the phone from the night stand and dialed number 1 on his speed dial.

It went straight into the voice mail.

 

 

 

 

 

When Jongin got out from his bedroom the next morning, he found Baekhyun had already awoken. The smaller man was looking at the books in one of  his bookshelves, eyes wide. In his hand was yesterday’s newspaper. He was still in Jongin’s baby blue pajamas, his dark brown locks tangled into something similar to a bird’s nest. Jongin closed the door behind him, a yawn escaped from his mouth. Baekhyun immediately turned around as if he had been caught doing a crime red-handed. Jongin tilted his head slightly to the side, lips curled into a lazy smile. “Good morning.”

Jongin could see Baekhyun’s cheeks reddened as the older man nodded, a hand snaking its way to the back of his neck. Jongin chuckled, walking towards the pantry.

“Do you like cereal?” he asked Baekhyun as he looked at his collection of cereal inside one of the cabinets. Baekhyun stuttered his yes, so Jongin prepared two bowls of cereal and putting them on the dining table after he’d finished. Baekhyun took a seat across him quietly, staring at his bowl as if it’s the most interesting thing in the world at the moment.

“Is something wrong?” Jongin asked casually, stirring the milk in his bowl. Baekhyun looked up, startled. “Huh?”

Jongin shrugged. “You look...” he paused, pondering over which word to use. “...confused. Is there anything you want to ask?”

Baekhyun bit his lower lip, hesitated. Jongin stopped stirring and laid back to his chair, arms folded, eyes not leaving Baekhyun’s. The smaller man heaved a sigh as if defeated.

“It’s September 15th, 2019.” Baekhyun stated. Jongin nodded.

“You’re a professional lawyer.” Baekhyun stated again, fingers tapping on the table impatiently. Jongin nodded again.

“It doesn’t make sense,” Baekhyun groaned, planting his face flat on the table.

Jongin sighed. He sensed another headache was coming. “It does, actually. The only thing that doesn’t make sense to me is that there’s a famous solo singer in South Korea _here_ in my apartment, wearing my pajamas and is having breakfast with me.”

Baekhyun immediately lifted his face at this information. “I— _what_?”

“Byun Baekhyun, twenty-seven, a solo singer scouted by _the_ S.M. Entertainment in 2011 and had his debut on January 30th, 2012, has won several major awards such as Solo Singer of The Year 2018, etcetera. Ring any bells?” Jongin asked, voice-flat as he recited the information he got the night before. Baekhyun’s jaw fell, mouth gaping wide. “I searched you on the internet last night and found some, uh, _basic_ information about you. I am sorry I did not recognize you earlier, I don’t follow entertainment business much, Sehun—“

“Sehun? Oh Sehun?”

“—always told me that I— wait. You know Sehun?” Jongin asked as his eyes widened in surprise. Baekhyun frowned, folding his arms to his chest. “Why, of course I do. He’s your best friend. After me, of course. Your second-in-line, remember?”

Jongin knitted his eyebrows. “Yes... he is my best friend.” He paused. “My _only_ best friend.” Baekhyun opened his mouth to say something but Jongin raised his hand, silencing the man. “Anyway I’m calling your manager after this. Park Chanyeol, isn’t it?”

Baekhyun let out a humorless laugh. “So Chanyeol is my manager now? Really, Jongin. _Really_.”

Jongin rolled his eyes, sighing. “Or you can do it yourself, actually. Why don’t you call him with your phone? I’m sure he’s number 1 on your speed dial.” Baekhyun looked at Jongin as if the younger just said something ridiculous. Jongin stared right back at him. Baekhyun threw his arms up in the air, defeated. “Okay, okay,” he sighed, making his way to where his own clothes were and took out his phone from inside his coat’s pocket.

“You didn’t take your phone out of your coat last night?” Jongin stared at him in disbelief. The older man pouted. “It’s not mine. It doesn’t feel right.” he muttered with a frown.

 _He’s not lying_ , Jongin observed. The way Baekhyun’s long slender fingers stiffly dancing on the screen told him that he’s not familiar with the phone at all. _But it still doesn’t make any sense_.

Baekhyun finally dialed 1 and it did direct him to someone named _Creepyeol_.

“ _Creepyeol_?” he voiced his confusion with knitted eyebrows. Jongin snorted.

 _Creepyeol_ answered the call after two rings. Jongin watched as Baekhyun winced when _Creepyeol_ was talking on the other line. When Baekhyun still said nothing until a whole minute later as if he’d been shocked, Jongin decided to take over.

“Park Chanyeol-ssi?” Jongin said tentatively. Calling someone you never met _Creepyeol_ would be inappropriate, he mentally told himself.

“—you don’t know just how much I freaked out when I noticed you’re freaking _gone_ and what am I supposed to do if you decide to not come back? How _dare_ you Byun Baekhyun, how _dare_ —“

“Park Chanyeol-ssi this is Kim Jongin and Baekhyun-ssi is safe in my apartment right now— “

“OH MY GOD DID YOU KIDNAP HIM? YOU DARE TO KIDNAP MY BAEKHYUN?”

Jongin shut up. On his side, Baekhyun still looked dazed.

Silence.

“Um,” Jongin cleared his throat, mentally deciding which words to say. “Is this Park Chanyeol, Byun Baekhyun’s manager? Byun Baekhyun the singer?” Jongin finally decided that confirming this was the most important thing to do first.

“Well, yes. I am.” _Creepyeol_ — Chanyeol, paused. “Did you kidnap Baekhyun?” he asked, voice rough. He sounded a lot calmer now, to Jongin’s relief. There’s a hint of fear in his voice now though. 

“No, no, of course I didn’t. My name is Kim Jongin, a lawyer by profession, and I found Baekhyun-ssi in front of my apartment yesterday. He was... hysterical—“ Jongin shut Baekhyun’s protesting mouth with his hand, “—and seemed lost so I let him stay for the night. Can you kindly pick him up? If you can’t it’s okay I can drive him home, just give me the address. Yes, whichever convenient to you, Chanyeol-ssi.” Jongin’s lips curled into a bright smile, saying his address cheerfully and ended the call with _I’ll be waiting and keep him safe, I promise,_ yes _I will make sure he’s not cold or hungry. See you soon!_

Jongin then turned to his side to gave his full attention back to Baekhyun, beaming as he extended his hand to return the phone. “He’ll be here in an hour.” Jongin announced happily. “I was not hysterical.” Baekhyun pouted, taking the phone back. Jongin merely hummed in response as he walked back to the dining table to continue eating his breakfast. 

 

 

 

 

Jongin had expected _Creepyeol_ to be a hysterical man in his early or mid-thirties, but the man who was now standing in front of him definitely not what he had expected him to be.

The man actually looked no older than Baekhyun himself and was at least 1.85 meters tall.  He had noodles for hair and was wearing a light brown tweed jacket with a white shirt underneath; a pair of dark-colored Levi’s wrapped his long legs perfectly. He completed his fashion with a pair of brown suede boots. _Creepyeol_ could easily be mistaken for a model on his way to go-sees with his handsome face and his overall attire.

“Park Chanyeol-ssi?” Jongin asked tentatively. The man nodded his head, his really big eyes staring at Jongin as if they could see right through him if he stared hard enough. Jongin cleared his throat. He could see why Chanyeol was nicknamed _Creepyeol_ : why are those eyes so _big_? He wondered but dismissed the thought quickly. He offered Chanyeol a warm smile and stepped aside to let the taller man in.

Chanyeol literally _jumped_ at Baekhyun the moment he saw the shorter man who was already in his own clothes from yesterday, waiting anxiously in the living room.

“Byunbaek oh God you’re _alive_.” Chanyeol said as he pulled Baekhyun in for a bone-crushing hug. He spun Baekhyun in two full circles easily, as if he’d done it a lot of times.

On the doorway, Jongin felt his heart clench somehow.

Chanyeol let Baekhyun go and grabbed the singer’s shoulders firmly and shook them. “You’re okay, aren’t you? No injuries? Did some bad guys get you?” Chanyeol asked worriedly, his wide eyes filled with fear.

Baekhyun looked too dazed to answer but he shook his head much to Chanyeol’s relief. Chanyeol scanned the smaller man from head to toe to make sure before he nodded in approval, looking very satisfied. He then removed his gangly hands from Baekhyun’s small shoulders and turned to Jongin, his lips broke into a wide smile that displayed two rows of straight white teeth.

“Thank you so much for everything, Kim Jongin-ssi,” Chanyeol said sincerely, bowing in a full ninety degrees. Jongin chuckled awkwardly, hand unconsciously scratching the back of his neck.

“I did nothing,” Jongin said kindly as Chanyeol lifted his face. Chanyeol waved his hand quickly and shook his head, “Nonsense! If Baekhyun were found by someone else he might be...” he shuddered. “Anyway, you said Baekhyun was already in front of your apartment when you found him?”

Jongin nodded. Chanyeol turned to Baekhyun, an eyebrow raised. “I didn’t know you have a lawyer friend, Byunbaek.”

Jongin quickly shook his head, “No— I didn’t know him. I mean, we’re not friends.”

Chanyeol averted his eyes back to Jongin. He looked genuinely confused. _Here we go_ , Jongin thought, _how am I supposed to explain Baekhyun’s bizarre behavior?_

Baekhyun, who was silent since Chanyeol came, cleared his throat, waving his hand quite adorably to get their attention. “Okay can we stop this now? This prank, or whatever it is?” he asked hopefully.

Chanyeol frowned. “Prank? What prank?”

Baekhyun crossed his arms, scowling to the point it made him look almost ugly. “Did both of you seriously believe that I would fall into this? I mean, okay, I admit that your acting is impressive to the point that I think you two could be nominated for the Oscars or something, but, _really_? Me, an award-winning solo singer? And Chanyeol, _you_ , my manager? _Listen,"_ Baekhyun hissed, glaring at Chanyeol who already opened his mouth to say something. “Jongin, I thought _you_ understand. We’ve talked about this. I _can’t_ be a singer— how could you do this to me? This is too much. Are you happy now? Both of you. Oh God.” Baekhyun snapped, tears falling from the corner of his eyes.  

“Baekhyun-ssi,” Jongin said softly, slowly approaching the shorter man but Baekhyun stepped back, glaring at him. Chanyeol looked lost, not understanding the situation at all, standing in the middle like a statue. Jongin stared helplessly at Chanyeol, giving him a signal to do something.

“Baekhyun, what are you talking about?” Chanyeol asked carefully. Baekhyun said nothing, his small figure trembling as the tears streamed down on his cheeks. He looked angry, sad, frustrated, and most of all he looked confused. Jongin sighed mentally.

“Baekhyun-ssi, Chanyeol-ssi. I think there’s some talking we have to do. Why don’t we talk this over a cup of tea?”  

 

 

 

 

Jongin explained the situation to Chanyeol as detailed and as much as he could. Chanyeol said nothing as Jongin explained, though there were lines slowly forming on his forehead as Jongin went on.

“My guess is that he suffers from a mild amnesia, since he does remember you and few basic things. It still doesn’t explain how he knows me and Sehun, though. I swear I’ve never met Baekhyun-ssi before yesterday, I didn’t even know that he’s a singer until I looked him up last night since I don’t follow entertainment business much. I doubt Sehun ever met him before either, for if he did, he must have mentioned it to me. Baekhyun-ssi is, after all, not an ordinary person.” Jongin concluded with a weak smile. It’s barely noon yet he had felt very exhausted. Chanyeol’s expression was unreadable, eyes focused on his cup of tea as he stirred it mindlessly.

“We had a fight the night before he left.” Chanyeol finally spoke after a string of silence. He averted his gaze to Baekhyun who stared right back at him. “The next morning when I wanted to talk things over you’re already gone. No notes. Your phone was off, right?” Chanyeol sighed, but Baekhyun said nothing.

“You were drunk and I was afraid those _sasaeng_ finally got you and that they’re going to do horrible things to you. I was scared to death but the agency told me to not report to the police since this could lead to a big scandal, so I decided to believe in _you_ and waited for you to come back which you didn’t. I was going to the police to report this when you finally called.” Chanyeol elaborated, voice breaking at the end. He took a deep breath in attempt to calm himself, eyes fluttering shut. “Baek, how could I lie about these things to you? How could I lie to you when I’m broken like this?”

Jongin could see Baekhyun was more relaxed now, his eyes softening and the creases on his forehead disappeared eventually. Chanyeol opened his eyes, his lips curled slightly in attempt to form a smile. He then took his phone out from his pocket, tapping on the screen impatiently and gave it to Baekhyun.

“You on your world tour,” Chanyeol explained as Baekhyun watched the video. Chanyeol tapped the screen to change to another video. “You winning the Best Solo Singer of The Year last year,” he explained proudly. Baekhyun looked shocked when the video ended, sinking into the chair. It was him. It was unmistakably _him_.

“So this is real. All of these are real?” Baekhyun murmured, eyes low. Chanyeol gave him a sympathetic look and nodded.

“Whatever it is, Baekhyun, I’m going to find a way to cure you. To make you remember everything, okay?” Chanyeol said softly. Baekhyun still looked shocked and confused but he nodded anyway. There were strong evidences in front of him now that he couldn’t just easily deny.

They drank the tea in silence then, no one making effort to fill the silence. After they had finally finished drinking their tea, Chanyeol told Jongin that they’d better be going home now. Jongin nodded and smiled, walking them to the door. To be honest, he was glad this was over; whatever _this_ was.

“Thank you so much for your kindness, Kim Jongin-ssi. I am very sorry to trouble you.” Chanyeol apologized sincerely as they reached the doorway, head bowed.

Jongin bowed his head in return, “No, it’s okay, I’m glad if I could be of any help.”

Chanyeol smiled and was about to leave when Baekhyun tugged on his wrist to stop. Chanyeol raised an eyebrow in question. Baekhyun ignored him and looked at Jongin straight in the eye.

“I don’t know what this is. I don’t know what’s happening,” Baekhyun paused, then he continued. “I am going to remember as much as I can, but you have to remember too, okay?”

Jongin raised his eyebrows. _Remember what?_

Baekhyun said nothing and bowed his head slightly instead. He gave Jongin a smile, eyes turned into crescents.

_Thump_

Jongin blinked. _Huh?_

_Thump_

_Thump_

And before he knew it, Chanyeol and Baekhyun were already a few steps away. He saw Chanyeol took Baekhyun’s smaller hand in his as if it’s how it’s supposed to be, pulling the smaller man closer to his side.

Jongin suddenly felt something heavy in his chest; a foreign feeling of sadness yet he felt like he had felt this many times before. He mulled over what Baekhyun had said as he stepped back in and closed the door.

_How am I supposed to remember something that never existed?_

 

 

 

 

“Are you okay?”

Baekhyun tore his gaze off the passing skyscrapers outside the window to gaze at Chanyeol. The taller man’s eyes were fixed on the road, hands gripping the steering wheel firmly. The ride had been filled by silence up till now with Chanyeol seemed to have a lot going on in his mind and Baekhyun wasn’t sure what to say. Baekhyun nodded mindlessly, averting his gaze to the road ahead.

“I think we should see Kyungsoo tomorrow.”

“Kyungsoo?” Baekhyun asked, not recognizing the name. He could see Chanyeol smiled slightly from his peripheral vision.

“One of our friends.” Chanyeol paused, lips pursed. “A psychiatrist.” He elaborated as he put the car into stop, the red light flashing bright on the traffic light. He turned to give Baekhyun his full attention now, a tentative smile on his lips.

“A psychiatrist.” Baekhyun echoed. He didn’t blame Chanyeol if the taller man thought he’d gone mad, really, but he personally didn’t think it would change anything. He didn’t think there’s anything wrong with both his mental and physical health. He could remember things just fine, only it seemed that the things he did remember did not match with the existing facts; it’s as if he had the _wrong_ memory, as if it’s not the memory he’s supposed to be having.

 _But which is wrong and which is right?_ He wondered. It’s just as if the life he had lived until the car crash was merely a dream.

 _But it felt so_ real _._

Baekhyun took a deep breath and shut his eyes. His head was starting to ache.

“Yeah...” Baekhyun finally said, sinking into his seat. “I think we should.”

 

 

 

 

That night when Jongin fell asleep, he dreamt.

He was standing in front of a nameless tombstone in a cemetery he had never been to before. It looked just a few days old, a few bundles of drying flowers leaning on it feebly. He gazed upward to see the sky was clear and felt the wind was blowing gently around him. He had no company, but that wasn’t for too long.

A woman was approaching the tombstone, a bouquet of white lilies wrapped in her slender fingers. She looked no older than forty, her black hair fell graciously just a little longer from her shoulders. She didn’t seem to notice Jongin’s presence as she crouched down, putting the drying flowers to the side and put her lilies in front of the tombstone.

The woman trailed invisible words carved on the tombstone with her fingers, eyes brimming with tears. Jongin was about to reach his hand out to her when he saw a much familiar figure approaching.   

It was the boy from his recurring dream.

There were trails of dried tears on his cheeks, his eyes red and puffed from, what Jongin guessed, too much crying. Jongin watched as the boy approached the woman, but he stopped abruptly three steps away. The woman soon noticed his presence and stood up, wiping her tears with the fabric of her sleeve. She smiled and motioned the boy to get closer. The boy obeyed and moved closer so he was standing beside the woman, lips shut and hands tugged on the sides of his pants. A comfortable silence filled in then almost casually, almost as if it had been expected.

“White lilies symbolize innocence. Don’t you think it really suits him?” The woman asked softly after several moments. Her eyes on were the lilies, a smile played on her lips. The boy said nothing, eyes following the woman’s gaze.

“He was a good boy, really good boy,” the woman said affectionately. “He was going to be a law student at Seoul National University, who knew he’d be such a smart boy?”

Jongin watched the boy bit his lower lip, his body started to tremble. He looked like he was fighting the tears that was threatening to fall and he was losing; slowly but surely giving away to the whirlwinds of emotion inside.

“It’s my fault.” The boy choked out suddenly. “I’m so sorry, I know I can’t bring him back, if— “

“It’s not,” the woman cut him off curtly. “It’s nobody’s fault. It’s just... It’s his time to go.” She smiled, although tears were forming on the corner of her eyes. She crouched down, brushing her fingers on the tombstone. The tears were already falling. She fell silent after, struggling to regain her composure back. The boy was crying silently behind her, lips formed a thin line. He wiped his tears quickly with his hand when the woman got back up, turning back to face him.

“He had led a good life, it’s also thanks to you.” She said softly, a hand on the boy’s shoulder. She had to look up to look at him properly. It made her chuckle.

“Oh my, you’ve grown a lot, haven’t you? I remember when I held you in my arms; it feels like it was just yesterday, no?”

The boy offered her a cracked smile, unable to say anything. The boy traced his cheek with her fingertips slowly, closing her eyes. It’s as if she were trying to find something else, _pretending_ the boy was someone else; someone who was _hers_ —  someone who’s now _gone_.

Jongin felt a pang of sadness sinking in at the sight. His vision was starting to blur. The edges of his vision were starting to fade away. 

“It’s going to be okay,” he heard the boy say. “It’s going to be okay, it’s going to be okay, it’s going to be okay,” the boy repeated like a broken record in a choked sob. The woman smiled, patting the boy’s head gently. She nodded.

_It’s going to be okay, Jongin-ah._

 

 

 

 

Jongin went to Sehun’s apartment the next day after work only to find it empty. He excused himself inside and took off his coat, kicking his shoes to the side.

Sehun’s apartment interior was simple, the color white dominating the space and the furniture. There was a comfortable-looking beige couch in front of a flat TV stuck on the wall and two large shelves on its sides, filled with various genres of books. The wall was overall free from photo frames, paintings and such.

Jongin walked to Sehun’s study to find a few papers containing designs placed neatly on the desk. He hadn’t been here for months now, since most of the time he’s here he usually spent it in the living room or in the bedroom. He examined the papers briefly and noticed the portrait that usually sat on another side of the desk was gone.

It was of a young man smiling brightly, the sunlight behind him had made him glowing like an angel. The man in the portrait was beautiful indeed. Jongin had always teased Sehun by referring the man as 작은 천사; _jageun cheonsa_ — a little angel. It never failed to make the younger’s cheeks turned a few shades redder. Jongin smiled at the memory. But unfortunately, it had, just like many other things, had to come to an end.

The apartment was almost exactly the same since the last time Jongin came over six days previously; meaning that Sehun hadn’t come home. The newest newspaper he could find was dated five days ago, laid forgotten on the dining table.

It was strange. Sehun had never acted like this before. Jongin had tried to contact the younger’s office this morning but they said that Sehun had filed in a leave of temporary absence two days previously. He had not done that before and it worried Jongin. Did something happen in Beijing?

Just when he was about to take out his phone to call Sehun again, it rang.

It was Sehun.

“Sehun,” Jongin said as soon as he picked up the call, feeling both worry and relief washed out his entire being. “Where the hell are you?”

Sehun said nothing in response, his steady breathing filled in the silence. Jongin walked back to the living room, choosing to sit on the couch. He had a feeling that this would be a long talk.

“Sehun? Are you still there? Are you okay?” Jongin asked tentatively. It was rather quiet on the other line. He wondered where Sehun make this call. Was it from his hotel room? But it didn’t feel like it; there was a sound of someone’s footsteps just a little ago, tainting the silence just a little bit.

“I’m still here.” Sehun replied quietly. His voice was thick, as if he was holding something back.

“Are you okay?” Jongin repeated. He could almost see Sehun nodding in response, even though the younger said nothing. They had known each other too well.

Jongin heaved a relieved sigh, sinking deeper into the couch. _But something’s wrong_ , he thought.  

“But something’s wrong,” Jongin voiced his thought out loud. “Are you still in Beijing? I called your office this morning and they said you had filed in a leave of temporary absence. Do I need to come over? I can—”

“No!” Sehun said immediately, “No. I mean, I’m coming back tomorrow. You don’t need to come over.” 

“So I’ll see you at home tomorrow?” Jongin asked softly.

A pause.

“Lu Han,” Sehun said instead, voice breaking.

_Lu Han?_

“Lu Han.” Jongin echoed, not knowing where this conversation was going. Sehun never talked about Lu Han anymore since their break-up; it was only natural for Jongin to be confused as to why Sehun decided to bring Lu Han up at this time.

“Jongin,” Sehun paused, a convulsive sob escaped from his lips. “Lu Han’s dying.” He whispered; as if he’s afraid that if he said it out loud the world would shake and crumble. Jongin fell silent, processing what Sehun had just said in his brain.

“I’m bringing him with me to Seoul tomorrow,” Sehun said. He sounded somewhat calmer now.  “I can’t leave him alone like this and I know I can’t stay here forever. I’ll be at the hospital tomorrow right after we arrive in Seoul. I don’t know when exactly I can go back home yet.”

“Then I’ll be there too,” Jongin said quickly, “What time will you arrive?”

 

 

 

 

 

Chanyeol brought Baekhyun to a spacious and expensive-looking apartment.

“Our apartment,” Chanyeol answered kindly when Baekhyun asked.

_Our...?_

Baekhyun shrugged the thought off and decided to ask nothing further for now. He looked around the apartment curiously. There were photos hanging on the walls, most of them was his own photos and him with Chanyeol. There were two bedrooms, a comfy living room, a kitchen with large refrigerator and a medium-sized dining table with four chairs. They felt oddly familiar, but one essential thing was missing.

There was no trace of Kim Jongin.

“So,”

Baekhyun jumped, completely forgot that he wasn’t alone. He turned to Chanyeol who was smiling widely ( _his stupid smile never changes_ , he thought) at him. He had to look up to see Chanyeol properly and now that he could look at the taller’s face closer and better, he couldn’t help admitting that Chanyeol had grown to be a very handsome man. _And I thought those legs couldn’t get any longer..._

“Do you remember anything?” Chanyeol asked hopefully, eyes wide.

As much as Baekhyun hated to disappoint anyone, he couldn’t lie. He shook his head, offering an apologetic smile. “I’m sorry.”

Chanyeol heaved a long sigh and shook his head. He smiled. “It’s okay, we’re going to find out what’s wrong tomorrow.” He glanced at the clock on the wall. “Well then! Are you hungry? It’s lunch time.”

Baekhyun followed Chanyeol’s gaze. It was already two p.m., it was only then did he notice that his stomach was silently screaming to be fed. He smiled shyly, nodding. Chanyeol beamed at him in return. “Let me cook for you. I don’t know whether you remember or not, but you always love my kimchi fried rice!”

Baekhyun waited for Chanyeol to finish cooking at the dining table. He had picked several photo albums to look over as he waited, scanning each photo intently so he didn’t miss anything. There were photos from his debut stage, his backstage photos, him singing on stages and him winning awards. There were also photos of him in Paris, London, New York, Tokyo, and many other places he couldn’t imagine going to. According to a few of those photos, he had hold several concerts in those cities too.

Baekhyun was pulled out from his thought when the photo albums were shoved to the side and a plate of kimchi fried rice was placed in front of him. It looked and smelled delicious. He looked up and thanked a beaming Chanyeol.

“No problem! It’s my turn to cook anyway. How are the photos?” Chanyeol asked as he sat across Baekhyun with a wide smile that showed his perfectly straight and white teeth. Baekhyun had always wondered how Chanyeol could have such perfect teeth without having to wear braces and if Chanyeol were going to do a dental aesthetic-related CF in the future.

Baekhyun cleared his throat, shaking his thought away. “Well.” he paused, then continued. “It’s amazing. I’ve held concerts in New York and Paris?”

Chanyeol nodded smugly. “Yes. Several times.” He tilted his head slightly to the side. “You remember none of those photos?”

Baekhyun shook his head sadly. He really couldn’t recall experiencing any of the moments captured in those photos. They looked strangely familiar though, he just could not remember he had actually experienced those.

It felt almost like a déjà vu, but not quite.

He could only remember Baekhyun the law-student-to-be and not _this_ Baekhyun. This Baekhyun in the photos was the Baekhyun he had been dreaming of and he knew for certain that he wasn’t him.

“This seems like a dream.” Baekhyun said instead. Chanyeol lips curled slightly.

“You’ve said that quite a lot of times before,” Chanyeol said softly, taking a spoonful of the fried rice.

They ate in a comfortable silence after that. Baekhyun thought that kimchi fried rice was delicious. It made him wonder whether the Chanyeol he knew could make a food this delicious as well.

Chanyeol told Baekhyun to rest after they had finished eating and insisted that he’d be doing the dishes and took care of everything else. Baekhyun was then led to his own room. It was quite spacious; much bigger than his room back home. It looked very similar to a five-star hotel room, only without a TV and mini-bar. There was also a small couch just beside the window that was covered with curtains.

The wall was clear from paintings and photos. Instead, he found several photos arranged neatly on a desk located on a corner of the room. There were also some papers and books on the desk.

Baekhyun walked towards the bed and noticed a photo sitting on a small table just beside the bed. It was of him and Chanyeol beaming at the camera with the Eiffel Tower as the background. He bit his lip hesitantly. Actually, there was a question bugging him since he stepped into the apartment, but he wasn’t sure whether he wanted to know the answer or not.

“Well, I’ll leave you to rest. I’ll be in my room if you need me, I won’t even lock it so just come in, okay?” Chanyeol said with a smile. Baekhyun returned the smile and nodded.

Chanyeol nodded and closed the door.

Baekhyun stared at the closed door and sighed. He changed his clothes into the more comfortable ones he found in the closet and flopped himself into the bed. The bed was comfy just the way he liked it. He rolled around a few times before he decided to close his eyes and fell asleep.

 

 

 

 

Baekhyun dreamt of stages, cheering crowds, and Chanyeol’s tears.

 

 

 

 

Do Kyungsoo was a kind-looking man with a big pair of eyes. They looked the same size as Chanyeol’s, which Baekhyun had always thought wasn’t possible to be matched with anyone else’s. Kyungsoo was slightly taller than Baekhyun but didn’t look any older.

Chanyeol and Baekhyun arrived a little over four p.m. to meet Kyungsoo in his afternoon shift. With Chanyeol had explained the situation over the phone the previous day, it saved them quite a lot of time. After some small talks, Kyungsoo ran several tests on Baekhyun and asked him questions, which he answered as best as he could.

“The result shows nothing wrong with your nervous system. There’s no sign of head trauma either, so that’s good.” Kyungsoo said with a smile, a few papers in hand. Then he frowned. “But still, something’s wrong. I just don’t know what it exactly is, yet.”

“But he’ll remember everything, right?” Chanyeol asked hopefully. He had been quiet throughout the process, which was rather unusual.

Kyungsoo gave him an apologetic smile. “I don’t know, Chanyeol. We never know what’s going to happen, even in the simplest cases.” He then turned to Baekhyun. “You said you were involved in a car crash?”

Baekhyun nodded. “Yes, I thought I was going to die right there and then.”

Kyungsoo gave Chanyeol a questioning look. “Have you contacted the police to confirm the car crash?”

“Yes, but there was no car crash involving Baekhyun. He looked physically fine too,” Chanyeol said, a crease on his forehead. Kyungsoo heaved a sigh and ran his fingers over his temples, massaging them gently. He stopped and rested his chin on his balled hand.

“Yeah, we didn’t find any physical injuries either. If you _did_ involve in the car crash like you have mentioned, you would have suffered some serious injuries. But as we can see, you’re okay.” Kyungsoo said, a mix of confusion and amazement in his voice.

Baekhyun dropped his gaze to the floor, palms resting on his thighs. He lifted his face back when a much larger hand compared to his was placed on his own, squeezing it gently. Chanyeol was smiling at him encouragingly before he turned back to Kyungsoo, hand not moving from Baekhyun’s.

“Does Baek need any medicine? Anything to make him better?” Chanyeol asked Kyungsoo, who produced a paper from his desk and started scribbling on it.

“I’ve prescribed some for the headaches,” Kyungsoo said as he turned to Baekhyun, pushing the paper toward the other male, a smile on his lips. “Drink it only if it becomes unbearable, alright?”

Baekhyun nods.

“Good. All we can do now is just to wait for the memories to come back.” Kyungsoo gave Baekhyun a warm smile. “You can always come here or call me, if anything happens. Every progress is important, no matter how small it seems.”

Chanyeol stood and Baekhyun followed his movement. They thanked Kyungsoo and Chanyeol told him that he’d make sure to inform Kyungsoo if anything happened. They left the room, but Chanyeol’s hand never left Baekhyun’s.

 

 

 

 

Jongin strode towards his car hurriedly His wristwatch told him it was a little over five p.m. and although Sehun had told him to take his time and come over when he had the time, Jongin wanted to see him as soon as possible. Besides, he still hadn’t known what actually happened and how exactly Lu Han’s condition was. Sehun had said he’s going to spill everything when they met; it was too long and complicated to be talked over the phone.

He got into the car and started the engine, immediately driving to the hospital. It was slightly over half an hour ride if he’s lucky enough not to be trapped in the traffic jam. Fortunately he was; he rushed into the information desk to ask where Lu Han’s room was.

“The transfer patient from China?” the woman behind the desk asked after she had looked up Lu Han’s name in the computer. Jongin nodded, tapping his fingers impatiently on the desk. She looked somewhat apologetic as she said, “Room 201, second floor. A nurse will guide you further.”

Jongin thanked her and strode to the elevator. He pressed two and waited.  He arrived on the third floor with a soft _ding_ , rushing to Room 201 as fast as he could, ignoring all the stares. He found himself being stopped by a nurse halfway.

“Excuse me, sir, may I help you?” she asked, lowering the clipboard she was holding.

Jongin gave her a small smile. “I want to visit Lu Han-ssi in Room 201.”

“Are you family, sir?”

“Well, no. I’m his friend— Kim Jongin. He’d recognize that.” Jongin answered, silently hoping that she would move aside so he could go to Lu Han’s room quickly.

“Oh, Kim Jongin-ssi? Sehun-ssi had noticed me that you’re coming. Come follow me, sir.” She said kindly and led Jongin to the room. Jongin followed quietly behind her, eyes scanning the doors they passed absent-mindedly.

They stopped in front of a door near the end of the hallway, number 201 engraved nicely on the center. The nurse turned to Jongin before they enter.

“Is this your first time visiting Lu Han-ssi in his current condition?”

“His current condition?” Jongin echoed, not sure what she had meant.

She gave Jongin a small smile. “It’s okay; I’d have to ask you to be quiet as possible inside Kim Jongin-ssi, you can have a talk with Sehun-ssi outside the room.” She opened the door then and stepped aside, head bowing slightly.

Jongin thanked her as she left then stepped inside the room, closing the door quietly behind him. He found Sehun was asleep just beside the bed, head resting on the edge of the bed, hand holding Lu Han’s. On the bed was Lu Han, eyes closed, his skin was much paler than Jongin remembered it was. He looked so peaceful Jongin would’ve thought he was simply sleeping had he not known better.

He gave Sehun’s shoulder a little shake in attempt to wake the younger man. It was effective as Sehun fluttered his eyes open, moving his unfocused gaze to Jongin. He lifted his head from the edge of the bed immediately, eyes blinking.

“You came,” he said, voice hoarse. Jongin simply nodded, gazing at the sitting man from head to toe. Sehun looked like a mess.

“You look like a mess.” Jongin voiced out quietly, mentally reminding himself that he had to keep quiet. Sehun offered him a weak smile and a playful punch on the arm.

Jongin moved his gaze to Lu Han. There was an IV line on his left wrist and oxygen line in his nostrils. Lu Han looked just fine to him, until he saw the hand Sehun was holding beneath the blanket.

“Sehun-ah, his wrist...?” Jongin whispered. Sehun put a finger on his own lips, silencing him. The younger man then stood up, putting Lu Han’s hand that he was holding resting back on the bed after he kissed it gently. He walked towards the door and signaled Jongin to follow him.

Jongin took one last glance at Lu Han’s sleeping form, and followed.

 

 

“A few days before we broke up months ago, Lu Han started acting weird.” Sehun started as he stirred a cup of coffee sitting on the table in front of him. They had decided to talk at the hospital’s café. It was rather empty with only them sitting on one corner. Jongin gazed at Sehun and took one good look on his best friend’s current appearance. Dark circles were visible around Sehun’s eyes, a silent proof the amount of sleep he had got these days. His eyes were bloodshot and his lips were chapped, his skin a few shades paler than it already was. Jongin took a sip of his cup of tea, eyes not leaving Sehun.

“He came home from a modeling gig in Tokyo that night and went straight to sleep after took a long shower. He didn't talk about his work as usual nor did he touch me or anything, really. He said nothing was wrong when I asked and continued to act like that. He avoided me and went out for most of the day for a few days and finally he said he wanted to break up with me.” Sehun paused and stopped stirring, then he continued.

“He said he didn't love me anymore and it just wasn't fair for me if we went on like that.” Sehun’s voice was breaking, but his expression was as calm as the spring breeze. Jongin could tell that he was holding back the tears; he knew it was the first time Sehun talk about the night he broke up with Lu Han to anyone.

Jongin took Sehun’s trembling hand in his, squeezing it gently.

“It’s okay,” he said, eyes soft. Sehun shook his head.

“You know what’s next. We broke up and he went back to Beijing, I never heard of him ever since.” Sehun took a deep breath. “I was just finished the meeting when Yixing-hyung sent me an e-mail. He asked me where I was and when I told him I was in Beijing he asked to meet me in a hospital and that it was very important. I thought he was involved in an accident or something and went there.

“He took me to see Lu Han and told me that Lu Han attempted to kill himself and failed. He had cut his wrist and lost lots of blood. Yixing-hyung found him just in time to prevent him from bleeding to death but Lu Han hadn’t woken up since then.” Sehun fluttered his eyes shut. “Lu Han didn’t break up with me because he didn’t love anymore. He—” Sehun opened his eyes, filled with rage. “He was raped by a photographer in Tokyo and he felt guilty for not being able to defend himself. He felt dirty and thought that I deserve someone much better—”

Sehun finally broke down, body trembling and drops of tears streaming down his pale cheeks. Jongin moved closer and pulled Sehun into his arms, soothing the younger’s trembling back gently.

“Shhh, it’s going to be okay,” Jongin murmured and kissed the top of Sehun’s head.

“What have I done, Jongin? Why did I let him go?” Sehun sobbed, voice only loud enough for both of them to hear. Jongin closed his eyes shut, lips twitched. A drop of tear fell from the corner of his eye. His heart pounded painfully in his chest, every breath he took felt like needle stabbing his lungs.

They let the words die and the tears speak.

 

 

 

 

Chanyeol cleared all of Baekhyun’s schedules until the end of the year.

Baekhyun spent most of his time at home after the hospital visit, listening to his records and watching his performances. It made him feel star-struck; it was like seeing a dream flashing real right before his eyes. They all still felt surreal to him. Yes, no doubt it was his own voice and face and all, but at the same time it wasn’t him.

It was not the Baekhyun he knew.

Did he have a twin his parents had never told him about? But even so, it didn’t explain why Jongin didn’t recognize him and why it was suddenly 2019, not 2011, the year he was supposed to be in.

Chanyeol was acting weird, too.

One second he would act all friendly and nice then the next second he would be distancing himself to Baekhyun and Baekhyun could see there was sadness in his big wide eyes. The Chanyeol he knew was never like that. The Chanyeol he knew was always smiling and bright; all sunshine and rainbows. Park Chanyeol and sadness did not belong in one sentence.

At night Baekhyun would take some time before sleep to turn on the laptop he found on the desk in his bedroom and connect it to the internet to read the news and looked up anything that might related to the situation he was in. He found out that all that had been told to him was true; he didn’t seem to know Kim Jongin and Oh Sehun and vice-versa. There was news about him all over the internet and he tried to track any indication that they had met before but he found none. He went to one of his fansites that, to his amusement, provided fan accounts from his debut days to his most recent activity and also found nothing.

Instead, he found out more about the Baekhyun he was _supposed_ to be: Baekhyun the top-tier singer and celebrity. That Baekhyun didn’t seem too much different than himself (of course, the fact was he and that Baekhyun were supposed to be the same person); he could see how much he loved to sing and treasured the stage more than anything. He was still smiling and laughing happily— _how could he not?_ _He was living his dream._

 _The man in these photographs was beautiful_ , he thought. _Not like me_.

He turned the laptop off and made his way to a full-height mirror just beside the window. His reflection was staring back at him with wide eyes. It was the old him; only there was a new depth in his facial expression, something could only be attained with age.

He tore his gaze off the mirror and stepped towards the window. He parted the curtain and saw that the rain was pouring heavily outside. Shivering, he hugged himself. He felt cold all of the sudden. He had noticed that the autumn was ending and the winter was approaching. He took one last look at the blurred Seoul night view before heading to bed, laying himself comfortably and tucked in the blanket up to his chin. He hadn’t dreamt for a long time; perhaps because now he seemed like he was living in the dream itself.

But this night, as cliché as it might sound, was different.

 

 

 

 

The cool breeze and the sound of calm waves were the ones that hit him first.

Baekhyun opened his eyes and found himself laying on the ground. He blinked his eyes and the stars above were blinking back at him, spread all over the dark skies. He sat up, eyes looking at his surroundings. The calm sea waves immediately filled his vision, grains of sand rough against his skin. He was at a beach. He felt like he had seen it in one of his photographs, but he wasn’t sure. It felt oddly familiar, but he couldn’t recall of ever being here.

There seemed to be no one aside of him. The gentle breeze and the sound of sea waves calmed him, washing away the fear and worries that were starting to sink in. He brought his knees against his chest and gazed at the sea, chin rested on his knees. He let a sigh escaped from his lips and fluttered his eyes shut.

“Do you think we’d get caught?”

Baekhyun snapped his eyes open and immediately looked around, searching for the source of the voice. There were two figures approaching, hand in hand. He focused his eyes to take better look at their faces.

It was himself and Chanyeol.

“Nah, I doubt so. Just relax, Baek,” Chanyeol said as he pulled the shorter man closer and pulled his hoodie off to reveal his face better. He could see the other Baekhyun pouted, frowning. They stopped a few steps beside him and sat down on the sand, eyes looking up at the skies. Baekhyun followed their gaze in silence. They didn’t seem to notice his presence.  

“It’s beautiful,” the other Baekhyun said in awe, eyes sparkling. Chanyeol chuckled and hummed in response. Then he laid down, arms spread wide, and took a deep breath. “I wish we could do this every night.” Chanyeol murmured as he closed his eyes.

Baekhyun could see the other him smiled softly and nodded. “I wish we wouldn’t have to go back to Korea so soon. I like it here.” He murmured as he laid down on the sand too, head leaning towards Chanyeol’s arm. Chanyeol turned to him, his grin all teeth. There’s a mischieveous glint flickering in his eyes. “Let’s run away then! Let’s not board on the plane tomorrow and just stay here for a few days longer until we’re satisfied!”

The other Baekhyun let out a humorless laugh and pushed the taller man away. “Ha-ha-ha very funny, Park Chanyeol. _You_ are supposed to make sure _I_ do my schedule right. Do your job right, Manager- _nim_.”

Chanyeol pouted. “But it’s also my job to make you happy!”

The smaller man turned to him and pinched his cheeks. “Why are you so cute, Yeol? Who’s the cute boy~?” he cooed which earned him a playful jab on his chest. He groaned and pulled away, cheeks puffed. Chanyeol pulled him back closer to him, giggling. “It’s cold,” the taller man excused when that Baekhyun gave him a questioning look. Baekhyun sighed and closed his eyes. “I’m going to sleep.” Chanyeol raised his eyebrows. “Here?” Baekhyun merely hummed and snuggled closer.

A comfortable silence filled in soon after, none of them moved. Baekhyun had been staring at them from his spot in silence, teeth digging into his lower lip. He waited one of them to move, but they stayed like that for the next ten minutes. He saw Chanyeol carefully pulled away and rested the shorter man’s head gently on the sand. Chanyeol then stood up, stretching his arms as he walked towards the sea. Baekhyun gazed at him. _What’s he going to do?_ He stood up and decided to follow the taller man.

Chanyeol stopped just at the level where the water could wash the palm of his feet. Baekhyun stopped beside him and looked at him. Chanyeol looked up at the skies, a frown on his face. It somewhat made Baekhyun want to put his fingers on the taller’s forehead and erased the frown from Chanyeol’s handsome face, but he decided to do nothing and moved his gaze to the skies instead.

“It’s funny how close we are and yet so _far_ ,” Chanyeol suddenly said. Baekhyun averted his gaze to him instantly, eyebrows raised. Those words didn’t seem to be directed to him. Chanyeol let out a quiet, shaky laugh and give his head a little shake. He tore his gaze off the skies and gazed at Baekhyun’s sleeping form.

“Do you know?” he murmured, eyes filled with sadness. He walked back to the spot and sat back down beside the smaller man, eyes on his peaceful sleeping face. Baekhyun followed him and stood still in front of them, his presence invisible.

“I love you.” Chanyeol whispered to the sleeping Baekhyun and leaned in to put a gentle kiss on the latter’s forehead. Baekhyun watched this with wide eyes, the palm of his hands covering his mouth. He felt a bit dizzy as the scene started to blur and finally faded away.

_Always have and always will._

Darkness came lurking from nowhere, grasping on his feet and creeping up to wrap his entire body. Baekhyun opened his mouth and screamed, but nothing would come out. He tried to break away but he couldn’t move; he was paralyzed and there was nothing he could do.

Nothing at all.

 

 

 

 

“Baek, Oh God Baek, _Baekhyun calm down_ ,”

Baekhyun snapped his eyes open to find himself in Chanyeol’s arms, struggling and screaming. There were tears streaming down his cheeks and he could taste blood on his lip. He stopped struggling and screaming abruptly, gasping for air. His heart pounded painfully in his chest and he felt drained.

“Shhh, it’s okay now, it’s only a bad dream,” he could hear Chanyeol murmured softly as he gently soothing his trembling back.

“Chanyeol, Chanyeol, Chanyeol, _Oh God Chanyeol_ —” Baekhyun sobbed, hands gripping Chanyeol’s arms in death grip as if his life was depended on it. Chanyeol didn’t pull away and pulled Baekhyun closer instead, whispering _it’s okay, I’m here, nobody’s going to hurt you._

They stayed like that for five more minutes. Baekhyun stopped trembling eventually, his senses gradually coming back to him. He pulled back and wiped the tears on his face, sobbing silently. His head ached.

Chanyeol softened his eyes and gave him a soft smile. “It’s dawn soon, you want to go back to sleep?” he asked softly. Baekhyun shook his head.

“I’m so sorry,” Baekhyun said instead, lifting his face to look at Chanyeol properly. Chanyeol raised his eyebrows. “Why are you sorry?”

_Always have and always will._

Baekhyun felt a sudden dull painful feeling in his chest. He reached out to Chanyeol and buried himself in the taller’s arms.

_For everything._

 

 

Baekhyun started to dream frequently about the moments captured in the photographs he had seen after that. The dreams were always different from each other but always ended the same; then he would wake up screaming and struggling in Chanyeol’s arms. He would feel drained and his head would ache as if it had been stabbed with thousands of needles.

Those dreams, apparently, were the memories he was supposed to remember. He had told Chanyeol some of those dreams (there’s _no way_ he would tell Chanyeol he knew about his feelings towards him) and there would be a glint of happiness flickering in Chanyeol’s dark brown eyes. _It’s good, Baek, you’re going to be okay soon! Thank God._ — Chanyeol would say after Baekhyun had calmed down. Baekhyun would offer him a smile and nodded, although he personally didn’t think he was.

Those dreams only gave him a stronger feeling of something similar déjà vu, not memories. They still felt like someone else’s memories; not his. Although he had dreamt about some small accidents and the scars he got, then when he woke up the already healed scars would throb as if proving they were real.

Then one day, after one particular strange dream where he was dressed up like a _geisha_ , something clicked in his mind.

“Chanyeol,” Baekhyun said breathlessly, “I need to see Kyungsoo.”

 

 

 

 

 

“ _Reincarnation_?”

Baekhyun nodded firmly, eyes not leaving Kyungsoo’s. He had asked for Chanyeol to wait outside; it was only him and Kyungsoo in the room. The room had barely changed since his last visit around two weeks previously.

“Wow. I mean. I’ve never really thought about that.” Kyungsoo added after several moments of silence. He put his elbows on the desk, resting his chin on his clasped hands. “So you think you’re reincarnated?”

Baekhyun let out a sigh. “I feel a strong sense of déjà vu, like, _very_ strong; and déjà vu had long been linked with reincarnation so that was how I came up with it.”

Kyungsoo was silent for several moments more, leaning back into his chair. “Well, as I said before I’ve never really thought about the possibility of this reincarnation happening to you,” he paused, eyebrows furrowed. “But I don’t think it’s reincarnation. If you ask me, it feels more like there are two Baekhyuns and you’re being pulled out from some other world to _this_ world and the other Baekhyun vanished as you came.”

“Other world,” Baekhyun echoed.

“It’s just an assumption. A _silly_ assumption, to be exact. Of course there’s only one world and one you, what am I thinking?” Kyungsoo shook his head, chuckling slightly. “I’m sorry. It’s been a long day for me— I’ll prescribe some medicines to ease your headaches, okay? And I promise I will look up about this possibility of you being reincarnated further. Though there’s nothing I could help you medically if you really were,”

Baekhyun bit his lower lip and nodded. Kyungsoo gave him a warm smile. “Until then, I think you should see Kim Jongin-ssi or Oh Sehun-ssi and have a talk. They might know something, who knows?”

Baekhyun felt something warm stirred in his stomach at the mention of Jongin’s name. It then hit him how lonely he felt without the younger’s presence. It’s been two weeks since they last met, but it felt like it’s been ages.

 “Yeah,” he finally nodded, “Maybe I should.”

 

 

Baekhyun went to Jongin’s apartment first thing in the next morning. He had taken a quick shower and wore his clothes, pulling a dark gray muffler up to his mouth and covered his dark brown locks with a matching dark gray beanie. He also had a dark-framed glasses on. He knew he should be careful to not attract any attention, a false rumor was the last thing he needed at the moment. He tucked his phone and wallet into his wool trousers’ pockets and quickly hailed a taxi outside the apartment building.

He had left a note for Chanyeol telling the man not to worry and that he would be spending the day with Jongin. Well, to be honest, Baekhyun wasn’t even sure Jongin wanted to see him after what had happened, moreover it was Saturday. Perhaps Jongin wanted to spend the day alone, simply resting at home after a busy week. But he couldn’t back down now, not when he’s already standing in front of Jongin’s apartment door. He shook his thoughts away, pulling his hoodie off over his head and pressed the bell. No one came even after five minutes, so he pressed it again. _Is he not home?_ He thought worriedly. _But it’s only seven..._

Not long after, though, there was a sound of the door being unlocked and the door was opened to reveal a topless Jongin, drops of water dripping from his wet black locks, a simple white towel wrapped loosely around his waist.

Baekhyun suddenly felt his throat went dry.

“Byun Baekhyun?” Jongin frowned as he recognized Baekhyun’s face. He looked rather surprised than annoyed, to Baekhyun’s relief. The taller man tilted his head to the side, exposing his wet bare neck.

 _That looks..._ Baekhyun wet his lips with his tongue. He immediately shook his head to clear his thought which made Jongin frown even deeper.

“No. I mean. Yes. I’m Baekhyun.” Baekhyun stuttered lamely, scratching the back of his neck. Jongin folded his arms against his bare chest, oblivious to Baekhyun’s misery.

“Can I help you?” Jongin asked, lines smoothened on his forehead, confusion now clear in his eyes.

 _Yes_ , Baekhyun wanted to scream, _Put on some damn clothes you oblivious sexy be—_ Baekhyun stopped and mentally scolded himself. This was not the time for this. He cleared his throat.

“I need to talk to you. Are you... busy today?” he asked tentatively, offering a smile he hoped wasn’t too awkward looking. It was hard to smile properly when there was an overly attractive man standing almost naked in front of you.

 _An overly attractive man? Who._ Baekhyun tried to dig for the memory of the so unsexy Jongin in the back of his mind, but somehow the only memory he could recall was Jongin drenched in sweat after one particularly tiring dance class; his transparent white shirt pressed fit on his sweaty chest and back, highlighting the boy’s upper body lines.

_Damn._

“Um. Are you okay.” Jongin waved his hand in front of Baekhyun to get the smaller man’s attention. Baekhyun snapped back into reality and nodded firmly. Jongin didn’t look convinced, but he said nothing further about Baekhyun’s strange behavior.

“I actually have to go to the hospital now and would spend the whole day there,” Jongin said apologetically. “I’m afraid I can’t help you.”

Baekhyun widened his eyes. “Are you sick?” _because you look so damn fine right now._ Baekhyun had given up on trying to silence his thought.

Jongin gave him a small smile and shook his head. “No. I’m going to visit a friend.”

“Can I come with you? We can talk on the way. It’s important. Please.” Baekhyun said immediately.

Jongin raised his eyebrows. “Is it about your... memory?”

Baekhyun nodded. Jongin bit his lower lip, hesitant. “I’ve told you everything I know. I don’t think I can help you further.”

“But you _can_ ,” Baekhyun said firmly. “You can help me, Jongin. I’m certain of that. Please. I won’t even ask for anything else from you.”

Jongin gazed into Baekhyun’s eyes for a brief moment, as if searching for something in there. Then he sighed.

“Okay.” He said quietly, fingers running on his wet hair, “Okay. Let me just—”

“Put on some clothes. Please.” Baekhyun blurted out before he could stop himself. Jongin raised his eyebrows at this but decided to say nothing and stepped back into the apartment. Baekhyun slapped himself and followed behind him, heart beating rapidly like never before.

 

 

 

 

“I’m really sorry to trouble you,” Baekhyun said sincerely as Jongin tapped his fingers on the steering wheel, eyes glancing at the red light. Jongin averted his gaze to Baekhyun, the corners of his lips rose into a slight smile.

“It’s okay, although like I said before I doubt I can help you much. You sure it’s okay to be hanging out alone with me like this?” he asked. “I mean, with you being famous and all. A famous celebrity hanging out with a lawyer can raise rumours, you know.”

“The doctor said I should try to talk to you and Sehun.” Baekhyun said instead, eyes on the road. He leaned deeper on his seat after a brief moment, turning to Jongin.

“Who are we going to visit? Is it Sehun?” he asked curiously, head tilted to the side.

“No,” Jongin replied, a faint hint of smile on his lips. “But he’ll be there too.”

 

 

 

 

They arrived at the hospital Kyungsoo worked at after thirty minutes ride. Jongin led him to the elevator and pressed two. They let a comfortable silence fill in instead of talking, Jongin fidgeting with the fabric of his shirt and Baekhyun chewed on his lower lip. They arrived on the second floor after a few beats and walked out. Jongin smiled as he saw a familiar figure standing in front of the nurse counter, writing something on a paper laying on the counter. They approached the man and Jongin tapped on his shoulder when he’s close enough.

The first thing Baekhyun noticed when they finally meet was how handsome Sehun had got. He had visibly grown taller than the last time Baekhyun saw him, and only then did he notice that Jongin had grown taller too. He stared at his feet, pouting slightly at the fact that he didn’t get any taller.

As expected, Sehun didn’t seem to know him other than the fact that he was a famous singer. The younger man had apologized for not being able to remember him and told him that he might get the wrong person. Jongin gave him a mixture of apologetic and sympathetic smile; a silent _I told you so_. Baekhyun replied to it with a weak smile.

They went to the Room 201 soon after; Sehun leading the way. Jongin had said in the car just a little before they arrived at the hospital that it was Sehun’s boyfriend — a Chinese model named Lu Han — that they were going to visit, and that Lu Han had fallen into a coma from an attempted suicide two months previously. Baekhyun was honestly terrified as to why someone would want to take his own life, looking at how he had barely managed to save his own albeit in a quite strange way. But he simply nodded and didn’t ask further. _He’s really beautiful_ , Jongin had said. _Sehun’s really lucky to have that little angel._

Sehun opened the door and they stepped in. Baekhyun’s gaze immediately went to the figure laying on the bed, eyes closed peacefully, lips shut. The name _Lu Han_ and _April 20th, 1990_ // _29_ were written on the patient identity information. He stepped closer until he was standing beside the bed, eyes not leaving the man.

Lu Han didn’t look like he was twenty-nine at all by simply looking at his face. He looked like he was in his early twenties. Baekhyun’s gaze traveled south to see the visible cuts on the man’s wrist, wounds healing with the time. Jongin was right, this man indeed was beautiful. His caramel hair was combed neatly, bangs fell nicely on his forehead. Strangely, This man felt oddly familiar to Baekhyun. _But where have I met him?_ _Think, Baekhyun, think._ He was sure he hadn’t seen Lu Han in any of the photographs and definitely not in any of his dreams.

“Have we met before?” Baekhyun asked, turning his gaze to Sehun. Sehun raised his eyebrows. “Lu Han-ssi and I, have we met before?”

Sehun gave him a little shrug. “Maybe at photo-shoots? Or parties. He never mentioned you to me as far as I remember. But you could have, really. Lu Han has met lots of famous people. It comes with the job.”

Baekhyun knitted his eyebrows. _It makes complete sense, but it’s still strange. I feel that_ I _have met Lu Han, not_ him _..._

Caramel hair. Beautiful stunning face.

Baekhyun closed his eyes.

A pair of hazel eyes.

A small, soft voice.

A dazzling smile.

Baekhyun snapped his eyes open.

“Jongin,” Baekhyun said, suddenly breathless, his hand moved to grip Jongin’s arm tightly, “Jongin. We need to talk.”

 

 

 

 

“I met Lu Han at the strange place I was in right after the car crash.” Baekhyun began. They were sitting on a corner at the hospital’s café. Jongin looked at him in the eyes, expression devoid of emotions. Baekhyun took a lungful of air and released it, sighing.

“Shortly after the car crash I woke up to darkness. There was nothing but black, but I knew I should be walking forward and searching for an exit. After a while I saw a glimpse of light and followed it, which led me to a door that was slightly ajar. I opened it and stepped into a white space that seemed just as endless as the dark space.” Baekhyun paused to take a sip of his tea. “I met Lu Han there, sitting alone in front of a door.”

Jongin lowered his gaze, looking pensive. He said nothing and Baekhyun took it as a permission to go on.

“I decided to approach him and asked him what’s behind the door. He answered that he didn’t know, that it wouldn’t open for him. He said it wasn’t his time yet. I didn’t understand what he had meant, but before I could ask anything he told me to try to open the door myself. I was hesitant to do it, I was scared it would lead us to somewhere terrifying; but he persisted. So I did and it _did_ open.” Baekhyun closed his eyes.

“It only revealed a brilliant light. Lu Han had tried to reach in but he got thrown back. I was confused— _we_ were, really. Then the light was fading and Lu Han told me it’s opened only for me and that I should go towards the light quickly. I was scared and I couldn’t think straight. I did as I told and just when I was a step away from the light, I turned around and asked him whether we had met before. He said yes. He said my name but I didn’t remember ever meeting him. He was really beautiful, just like you said, and I don’t think I’d forget someone like him.” Baekhyun opened his eyes, taking a deep breath. “I was pulled into the light by an unknown force and the next thing I knew I was there in that alley. I went to meet you and you know what happened next.”

A contemplative silence fell after that. Jongin looked like he was in a deep thought and Baekhyun waited. What he had just said wasn’t easy to take in, he was fully aware of that. He himself hadn’t quite understood, it was still an unfinished puzzle for him. A few pieces were still missing.

After several moments, Jongin leaned back on his chair, chin resting on his curled fist.  “It’s strange... Really strange.” He said in a low tone, dark brown eyes gazing at Baekhyun’s. Baekhyun nodded solemnly, his elbows on the table, fingers tangled to each other.

“I still don’t understand what this means, either. I don’t want to tell Sehun this because I’m afraid that it would freak him out. You said it’s been two months since Lu Han went into a coma, right? He looked really _fragile_ when I met him there, Jongin, like he could break any time. It broke my heart to see him like that and now I’m afraid he won’t last long.”  Baekhyun paused, leaning in. “I have a question for you. Have you ever felt like you have met me before? Something like déjà vu?”

Jongin looked rather surprised by this question, eyebrows raised. “Déjà vu?”

Baekhyun simply nodded. Jongin shut his lips into a thin line, there were creases on his forehead. He tried to dig into his memory, searching through the tangled mess string of events in his mind. After a brief moment, the memory of their first meeting flashed in his mind.  

“I...” Jongin finally said, averting his gaze from Baekhyun to the table. “I have.”

Baekhyun looked surprised but decided to say nothing and waited for Jongin to go on. Jongin drew in a deep breath and released it.

“The very first moment I saw you. I had this strong feeling that I’ve met you before, but I couldn’t recall where and when. But then I found out that you’re a famous singer so I thought I might have seen you on TV or something, so I didn’t think about it further.”

Baekhyun seemed to be disappointed with the answer. “Have you been getting strange dreams?”

“Strange dreams?”

“Like dreams that make you cry after you wake up. Anything.”

Jongin leaned back on his chair, arms folded against his chest. His expression was half-amused and half-annoyed. “And why would that matter?”

Baekhyun gave him a little shrug. “I’ve been getting strange dreams lately and when I told Chanyeol about those dreams, he said they were my past experiences. But I feel nothing, it only feels like watching a movie, not recalling my own memories. It feels almost like a déjà vu, but not quite.”

“Past experiences,” Jongin echoed. The words rolled out on his tongue tasted foreign. He could feel his head was starting to ache. “But we’ve never met before. _I_ never met you before that day you came to my apartment. I didn’t even know you’re a famous singer.”

“Jongin,” Baekhyun said with a hint desperation, “I don’t belong here. I don’t know why and I don’t know how. I know you but you don’t know me. It’s really difficult to take in. I know you all your life and here you are denying my existence for all those years we’ve spent together.” He smiled bitterly. “And I swear to God it’s _real_. I _know_ it is.”

Jongin closed his eyes and the scenes of his recurring dreams were flashing like a movie. A few heartbeats later he slowly opened his eyes, turning his gaze to Baekhyun. His expression was unreadable, but there was so much more in those eyes.

“Prove it.”

 

 

 

 

Jongin took his first dance lesson at the age of seven.

He had been fascinated by the dancers he'd seen on TV, doing glorious _pirouettes_ and _grand-jetes_. He told his parents that he wanted to be able to do those "cool moves" and then his father had said _why not?._ And of course, little Jongin had dragged little Sehun to take the same class too. Sehun didn't seem particularly interested in dancing, but he went anyway because jongin said it would make him look cooler.

Jongin was a quick learner and in a flash he's able to do some rather difficult moves for a kid his age, shooting up to be the best dancer in his class. Sehun tailed closely behind, became second best just because he didn't pay enough attention to the instructor.

At the age of fifteen he went to SM building to audition. He honestly didn't care whether SM would put him into another boyband to be an idol or anything, really, as long as he could stand on those glorious stages and dance.

He failed his first. A year later, he also failed his second.

 _Come back next year if you still want to do this_ , they said.

Jongin headed home with head hung low, shirt drenched in sweat. There were trails of water on his face; he couldn't tell whether it was sweat or tears— it didn’t matter anymore, and he was too upset to care.

 _Just give up_ , his father said, _you don't need this_. And just like that, his father tore the audition form into pieces and threw it into the trash can.

A year was too long.

 

 

 

 

Jongin stopped coming to the dance class since then, so did Sehun. They spent more time playing soccer on the field or studying at the library. They would have to decide their future soon and they better be prepared until it came.

But it was not that easy to forget what you had been longing to do all your life just like that. Sometimes Jongin and Sehun would go to the field in the evening. Jongin would step to the center and started dancing, moonlight bathed upon him like a spotlight on stages. He played the music in his mind and moved along with the rhythm, tearing away every layer of himself until all what’s left was raw emotion.

One of those evenings, just a few days before their graduation, Jongin collapsed on the ground, sweat dripping from his wet hair down to his face, leaving trails akin to tears mark. He let out a laugh, arms spread wide on the ground. He hadn’t felt this good for so _long_. Sehun had crouched down beside him, a hand with a towel and another with a bottle of water extended to him. Sehun’s head blocked the moon, a halo of light circling around his head. Sehun’s lips twitched up into a rare smile.

Jongin took the towel and wiped the sweat off his face, heart beating rapid and loud. Heat was creeping underneath his skin, ready to ignite his dream back to life. He shook away the thought immediately, pouring the water on his head instead of drinking it, chasing away his burning passion.

Sehun laid down beside him, looking up to the sea of stars above.

“Do you believe in parallel universe?”

Jongin turned his gaze to the younger boy, still a little out of breath. “Parallel universe?”

Sehun gave him a little shrug. “Another universe coexisting with our universe. Same timeline, same us, different realities. You could be dancing at Broadway as we speak right now, in another universe.”

Jongin chuckled. “Well that’s interesting.”

“That’s _reassuring_ ,” Sehun turned to him now, there was a spark in those usually dull eyes. Jongin merely raised his eyebrows. Sehun never looked so... _passionate_ about anything before.

“Thinking that there’s another me living happily somewhere makes me, well, happy.” Sehun said, lips curled up into something similar to a smile, but not quite. “I’ve promised myself that I’d live this life to the fullest. No regrets. To be honest, I don’t know what I want to be. I don’t know which way I want to go to.

“The moment I decided to go to that architectural school I know it would get me a stable life, a monotonous and boring kind of life. I know I’d get stuck living the ‘normal life’, but I guess that’s fair enough. I don’t have enough courage to step outside the lines. The thought of me living happily somewhere doing something I love makes me feel better. It’s reassuring.”

Jongin averted his gaze back to the stars. He didn’t know what to say back to that. It _was_ reassuring, in a sense, but it also felt too good to be true. It made him think about second chances and a grand stage bathed in blinding spotlights with cheering crowds waving lightsticks that he thought looked a lot like blinking stars but in different hues of light. He then stood up after a brief moment, gaze not moving.

“Oi! Kim Jongin! Can you hear me?” Jongin shouted to the skies above. Sehun looked at him in surprise, sitting up.

“What are you doing?!” The younger boy hissed, tugging at the fabric of his pants.

Jongin gave him a grin. “Talking to the other me,”

Sehun looked at him as of he had gone mad, but Jongin didn’t care.

“You have to be a professional dancer, you hear me?! I don’t care how many fathers would hold you back, do not give up!” Jongin shouted loud and clear. “I’ll live the boring life for you, so don’t you dare—” He felt his chest tightened and his eyes started to sting. “— don’t you dare giving up, Kim Jongin, I will not forgive you if you do!”

A drop of tear.

He turned back to Sehun, vision already blurred with tears. His lips twitched up shakily in attempt to form a smile. Sehun got on his feet wordlessly, hand reaching in to wipe Jongin’s tears away. Sehun’s palm felt so soft against Jongin’s skin.

“Stupid,” Sehun said softly and pulled Jongin into his arms. Jongin broke down in Sehun’s arms, the wreckage of his dreams pierced through the unhealed wounds in his heart, slowly tearing it back open.

 

 

 

 

“This is my house.”

Baekhyun had taken Jongin to a house a few blocks from his own house that afternoon. It was a little over five; the sky was already a few shades darker. Baekhyun had insisted to drive but Jongin refused.

(“I can drive, you know,” Baekhyun pouted, slipping into the passenger seat gracefully. He took his dark-framed glasses off and slipped it into his coat’s pocket. Jongin shook his head.

“But you said you’re involved in a car crash. I simply don’t want to risk my life.”

“It was an _accident_!”)

The house was painted white. The porch was empty and there were no flowers or any plants on the small garden in front of the house, it was all grass. The house looked like it hadn’t been occupied for quite a while.  

“Or _was_ , I don’t know.” Baekhyun added, a frown on his face. He opened the surprisingly unlocked old wooden door leading to the garden and stepped in. Jongin followed suit behind him, eyes sweeping the whole area. They stopped in front of the house’s door. It was locked, but that was to be expected. There were old white curtains from behind the windows, hiding what was inside.

Baekhyun turned to Jongin, the corners of his lips rose slightly to play a sad smile. “Your house’s just a few blocks away…” Baekhyun said, there was a hint of nostalgia in his eyes and voice. His smile grew wider yet softer. “We used to have sleepovers every weekend.”

Jongin averted his gaze to the road. The wind blew in, making a few strands of grass danced in reaction. He noticed the air had grown cooler. Winter was coming soon.  

Suddenly he was aware there was a hand holding his. It was warm and felt just _right_. He gazed at their tangled fingers for a brief moment before lifting his gaze. Baekhyun was smiling brightly at him.

_Thump thump thump_

He blinked. He felt his heartbeats grew faster and louder all of the sudden, heat rising to his cheeks.

“It’s getting cold, isn’t it?” Baekhyun asked softly. “I know you hate it, but I have one more place to show you today. It’s only a ten-minute walk away, is it okay?”

Jongin dropped his gaze to their clasped hands. He felt warmth crept under his skin to calm his whole system. _What just happened?_

“Jongin-ah? You okay? Or we can go back and—”

Jongin quickly collected himself and shook his head. He gave Baekhyun a small smile. “It’s okay. It’s just...” he faltered. Baekhyun was staring at him, eyes wide.

“Never mind. Let’s go,” he muttered and walked forward, dragging the shorter man with him, hand securely enveloped in his.

 

 

 

 

They arrived on the field after ten minutes of walking.

Baekhyun pulled his hand away from Jongin’s hold much to the younger’s dismay, striding excitedly to the center despite the cooling air. Jongin could immediately feel the lost of warmth. He suddenly realized how warm Baekhyun was.

A few steps away from him, Baekhyun was calling him to get closer. He obeyed reluctantly, slipping his hands into his pants’ pockets, white smoke puffing from his mouth. It was rather quiet there, the only thing he could hear clearly was the sound of the erratic rhythm of his heartbeats. He stopped beside Baekhyun who was gazing up. He followed the gaze to see the scattered stars on the dark skies.

“Beautiful, isn’t it?” Baekhyun asked dreamily.

Jongin turned his gaze to him. The stars were reflected on Baekhyun’s eyes, and he found it peculiarly beautiful. Baekhyun suddenly lowered his gaze and onto him, making him lowered his own gaze to the ground, embarrassed.

“We go here a lot. You would be too tired from the dance class to walk straight home and would crash here and drag me down with you. We would lay down and gaze at the stars,” Baekhyun said softly, a smile rose from the corner of his lips. “I would complain but you wouldn’t listen and tell me to sing instead.”

Jongin lifted his gaze. “Dance class?”

“Yeah, you took a dance class. With Sehun, actually. You both dance so well.” Baekhyun inclined his head slightly. “Why?”

Jongin found himself debating mentally whether he should tell Baekhyun he used to dance, too. It might be just a sheer coincidence. Or it might be _not_ , actually, there had been quite a few coincidences with Baekhyun it’s starting to make him actually think of the possibility of them being real.

“You don’t dance?” he asked instead. Baekhyun shook his head sadly.

“I can’t dance to save my life.”

Jongin felt a smile rose from the corner of his lips and before he could say anything, the shorter of the two moved in front of him and took his muffler off, draping it just right on the taller’s neck, protecting the exposed skin from the cooling wind. Jongin didn’t realize he was almost shaking from the cold. He could feel something in him stirred.

“I’m sorry. Let’s go back.” Baekhyun said softly and took Jongin hand in his once again. Jongin was too shocked to pull his hand away or say anything, really. He let himself be led back to the car. The walk back was quiet and despite the cold, Jongin thought he had never felt this warm.

It was strange, now that he thought of it. Baekhyun was practically a stranger to him, no matter what the smaller man said. He was supposed to be just another name, another face Jongin would pushed to the back of his mind and probably would never revisit again.

But he also knew— a stranger wouldn’t take his hand in his like he’d done it million times before and made him feel this warm. A stranger wouldn’t make his heartbeats grow faster and louder whenever he was around.

A stranger wouldn’t feel this _right_.

(“Do you want to go out with me again sometime?” Jongin found himself asking as they rode past the Seoul skyscrapers and as if on cue, the radio started playing _L-O-V-E_. Baekhyun _giggled_.

“Yes, of course. _Yes_.”

Jongin thought he should be banging his head on the dashboard because that was embarrassing, but he didn’t. Instead, he found himself smiling. Smiling so _wide_ his cheeks hurt. He wasn’t sure what that mean, but he could not bring himself to care.

After all, this could be a new start he had been searching for.)

 

 

 

 

The following days passed by in a blur.

Baekhyun stepped out to the balcony one morning and lifted his palm up to the air. Snowflakes fell onto his palm softly and he shivered. Winter had finally come a few days previously after the constant dropping of temperature; the snow now covered most parts of Seoul like a blanket. He wondered whether they would get a white Christmas this year.

Jongin had been busier since the last time they met for a lunch over a week ago. Baekhyun couldn’t help the sadness that came upon hearing the news; they had just got closer. They had met up frequently after that night, to have dinner together or simply stroll along the Han River and talk. They talked about a lot of things, mainly about Baekhyun’s life. How he was going to be a law student, how being a singer had been his dream, etcetera. Jongin would listen intently when Baekhyun talk and would sometimes ask questions or offer his opinions. None of those explained the cause of the current situation, though.

Chanyeol had warned him about his frequent meetings with Jongin, saying that he should be concentrating to recover instead of _going out unprotected with a stranger he barely knows_. Baekhyun had raised an eyebrow and opened his mouth to retort at this but Chanyeol quickly interjected, reasoning that after he got closer to Jongin, he had stopped getting dreams of his lost memories which were more important than anything else. It was true; he had gone back to getting dreamless sleeps a few days after that night on the field. The last one he got was a dream where he was recording a song he didn’t recognize in a studio. Chanyeol said it was just a few days before he went missing. There’s guilt in the way Chanyeol said it, but he just couldn’t pinpoint why.  

Chanyeol finally took him to the SM building one cloudy Monday morning in the end of November. He had decided it was safe enough for Baekhyun to go, and had applied make up and styled Baekhyun’s hair nicely himself. 

There were crowds of fans already waiting for him in front of the building despite the cold, hands holding expensive-looking cameras and gifts. Some were holding hand banners and letters while crying. Baekhyun tried his best not to look nervous and flashed his best smile, bowing his head repeatedly, mumbling _annyeonghaseyo_ s and _kamsahamnida_ s and _mianhamnida_ s amidst the screaming fans with Chanyeol holding his hand firmly, face devoid of any emotions.

 _The public don’t know anything about this_ , Chanyeol had said to him as he drew the eyeliner to sharpen the edges of Baekhyun’s eyes, _just try to look normal. You’re Byun Baekhyun the top South Korean singer._

The flashes of the cameras shoved in his face were blinding. White spots started to swim freely in his vision and he clutched his hand firmly on Chanyeol’s, trying to maintain his balance. Chanyeol glanced at him, eyes filled with worry one second and determination the next. He led Baekhyun quickly towards the entrance and walked in, shutting the door quickly behind them. He stood in front of Baekhyun and put his palms on the shorter’s shoulders, his wide eyes staring straight at Baekhyun’s.

“Are you alright?” 

Baekhyun nodded and smiled weakly, “Yeah. Just a bit dizzy because of all those flashes.” He blinked. “Where are we going?”

“First I figured it might help you remember things by going here, and second we need to assure the public that you’re still alive.” A playful smile formed on the corners of Chanyeol’s lips.

He took Baekhyun to one of the practice rooms on the second floor. There were a few posters plastered on one side of the wall and the infamous clouds swimming in the blue sky background on the other. Baekhyun eyed the posters curiously.

“Where are Dong Bang Shin Ki’s posters?” Baekhyun frowned. The people captured in the posters were smiling blandly at him, some he recognized and others not. Chanyeol gave him a confused look.

“Dong Bang what?”

Baekhyun turned to him and gave him an incredulous look. “U-know Yunho? Choikang Changmin? For the love of God, Park Chanyeol, _the_ Dong Bang Shin Ki?”

Chanyeol shook his head. “Never heard of them.”

Baekhyun turned his gaze back on the posters. “Super Junior Seventh Generation? What happened to the original members? Leeteuk-ssi, Yesung-ssi, Eunhyuk-ssi...?”

There’s a pause before Chanyeol answered. “They decided to get back to the graduation system after the car crash back in 2007.” He took a deep breath. “One of the members, Cho Kyuhyun, got seriously injured and passed away a few days after that.”

This shocked Baekhyun. He knew there was a horrible car crash in 2007 involving some Super Junior members and their manager, but he also knew Cho Kyuhyun _survived_. He shuddered. Chanyeol gave him a pat on his back but he shrugged it off and sank to the floor, leaning his back against the wall and sighed. Chanyeol stood still, hand scratching the back of his neck. He looked like he wanted to say something. Baekhyun simply stared at him and waited.

“The company wants you to perform at the end of the year show. Just one song. Think you can do it?” he asked after a moment of silence, eyes fixed on the ceiling. “Actually they want you to perform at all the year-end shows on the three major TV stations, but I succeeded to convince them on just one. They don’t want any more or less than that.”

“Perform.” Baekhyun repeated slowly.

Once upon a time this was all he wanted.

Chanyeol moved to sit beside him, bringing his knees against his chest. “Perform.”

Baekhyun felt sudden adrenaline rush in his veins, heart racing as he tried to sink the information in that he’s finally going to perform on stage, in front of people, screaming for his attention and his name and the world would finally _see_ him and —

“Chanyeol,” he whispered, “what if I mess it up?”

He suddenly felt frightened. Chanyeol simply smiled.

“Let’s say I do. What’s next?”

Chanyeol shrugged. “I don’t know. You’ve never let us down before and I’m sure you won’t, Baek.”

“But I don’t even know the songs, I don’t—”

“Close your eyes.”

Baekhyun gave him a bewildered look. “Huh?”

“Close your eyes, Byun Baekhyun.” Chanyeol said, firmer this time. Baekhyun was about to retort when Chanyeol covered his eyes with his gangly hands, blocking his view completely. Baekhyun was thinking to struggle out but he eventually decided to close his eyes and stayed still. Then, he felt himself being guided somewhere, slowly and carefully.

“January 29th, 2012. A day before your debut,” Chanyeol whispered slowly, “you asked me the exact same thing.”

Warm breath licked Baekhyun’s exposed neck and he shuddered. “What are you doing?” Baekhyun heard himself asking, voice not louder than a whisper. Chanyeol didn’t respond and after three careful steps more, Chanyeol finally removed his hands from Baekhyun’s sight.

He was standing right in front of the mirror-wall, his reflection was staring right back at him. Chanyeol wrapped his long arms over his shoulders, resting his chin on one of them.

“I told you you’d do great. And you did,” Chanyeol grinned, “you stole millions of hearts that day and steals even more even today.”

Baekhyun saw a small smile rise on his own lips. Chanyeol let him go, stepping back a few steps.

“Why do you believe in me that much, Chanyeol?” Baekhyun asked, tearing his gaze off the mirror and to Chanyeol, feeling somewhat amazed. Chanyeol tilted his head to the side and pointed at the mirror. Baekhyun’s gaze followed the direction which Chanyeol pointing at, and stared back at the reflection of himself yet again.

“I don’t need lots of reasons.” Chanyeol said, and then he smiled. It was soft but unmistakably Chanyeol-ish, and Baekhyun felt something in his heart stirred. “It’s simply because you’re Byun Baekhyun.”

 

 

 

 

Baekhyun texted Jongin that night and told him about the news. He slipped into his pajamas and headed towards the kitchen and made himself a glass of warm milk. Chanyeol had excused himself to sleep early an hour previously. He did look exhausted, but he said he’s alright when Baekhyun asked him anyway.

Jongin didn’t reply to his text and called him instead, congratulating him sincerely and asking him about his progress on his memory. Baekhyun dismissed the question and asked about Jongin instead. Jongin answered —  with a long, deep sigh — that he’d been busy since Jung Yunho-sunbaenim had handed over some extra cases to him so he had to pull some all-nighters.

Baekhyun almost dropped his glass of warm milk. “Jung Yunho? As in, _the_ Jung Yunho?”

“You know Jung Yunho-sunbaenim?” There was a hint of surprise in Jongin’s voice.

“I think I need a bottle of _soju_ ,” Baekhyun said sourly, carefully putting the glass on the dining table beside him. Then something dawned on him. “Do you happen to know Shim Changmin too?”

He could almost hear Jongin shrugged. “You mean the reporter for the sports news at seven a.m?”

Baekhyun flopped himself down on the nearest chair and planted his face on the table. “Blkljjskakhjhgh.”

“Did you really drink the _soju_.”

“Bjkaugugasdhguh.”

“I’m hanging up.”

Baekhyun immediately lifted his face, “No, wait, do you think you can make it to the show?”

“What for? I just said I’m busy as hell and I’m not even your fan—”

“Great! I’ll see you there, eight p.m. sharp, don’t be late.”

And with that, Baekhyun hung up, drank his milk, and gracefully made his way to the bedroom.

 

 

 

 

The next morning, Baekhyun turned the TV on to the seven a.m. sports news. When he saw Shim Changmin’s trademark vicious smirk on the screen, to his own surprise, he found himself smiling.

 

 

 

 

Baekhyun dreamt again in the middle of December. It was a cold night and he was tucked in a thick blanket on his bed, mind wandering aimlessly after long hours of practice and before he knew it he’s fallen asleep.

He was at his own bedroom in his apartment this time. There was no one so he decided to open the door carefully, peeking outside. It was really quiet but the lights in the living room were still on. He crept out to the living room only to find Chanyeol pacing back and forth, a hand holding his chin and the other holding his cell phone. He looked worried and exhausted, teeth digging into his lower lip and his eyes were bloodshot, dark circles visible around his wide eyes.

Baekhyun watched him silently across the room. As usual, his presence was invisible. His gaze moved to the clock: it was two a.m.

He could hear the front door being opened at two fifteen. He followed Chanyeol to the front door quietly. There was a mix of anger and relief in Chanyeol’s eyes, and he wondered what could possibly make Chanyeol behaving like this.

“What the hell were you thinking?!” Chanyeol yelled, voice hoarse. In front of him was a drunk Baekhyun, eyes unfocused and he looked completely wasted. Chanyeol hands are clamped on his shoulders, shaking them.

Baekhyun glared at his manager. “Fuck off,” he hissed.

Chanyeol threw his hands up in the air, frustration clear on his face. “What the hell, Baek. You think getting drunk like this would give you a good image? Have you thought about your reputation, at all? Recklessly agreeing to attend an _inappropriate_ club party in freaking _Gangnam_ where everyone can see you, woah this is really something — ”

“I don’t fucking care about my fucking image, ha, let them all see, I don’t fucking care!” Baekhyun spat out, pushing Chanyeol aside roughly and walked towards the living room clumsily. He finally crashed on the couch, eyes closed, a frown on his face.

“That’s it? That’s your reason of doing this ridiculously stupid shit? How about the career that you’ve so carefully built with all those sweat and tears, Baek? And now you just practically throwing it away oh God, really, what the hell were you thinking?” Chanyeol snapped, eyebrows knitted.

Baekhyun snapped his eyes open and stood up immediately, his long and slender finger pointed at Chanyeol. “What the hell was I thinking? You’re not the one who work hard for God knows how many fucking hours trying to please people you don’t even know and get death threats and hate letters on fucking daily basis for it, are you?!” He shouted, slipping his hand furiously into his jeans’ pocket, taking out a few wrinkled letters stained with blood and threw them at Chanyeol.

Chanyeol fell silent, his gaze dropped to the floor with the shattered papers.

“Let them all see. Maybe that is what they really want. Fine. I quit. I’m so done with this.” Baekhyun choked out, covering his face with the palm of his hands. He felt so sad and angry and vulnerable and he hated it. He hated it so _much_.

Chanyeol lifted his face and felt his heart break at the sight of Baekhyun crying like this, _broken_ like this. He fought the tears that were threatening to come and approached Baekhyun instead, reaching out to him and pulled the shorter man into his arms gently. Baekhyun trembled in his arms, tears streaming down his face and leaked through the gap in between his long slender fingers.

“Shh, it’s gonna be okay,” Chanyeol murmured, gently soothing Baekhyun’s trembling back. Baekhyun shook his head shakily. “They threatened to send these to my family, Chanyeol, how could they — how could I —”

“I’ll find a way, Baek, I will, don’t say that,” Chanyeol hushed and tightened his embrace. Baekhyun had never felt this small in his arms.

“I can’t do this anymore, Chanyeol, I’m so sorry, I can’t, I just can’t,” Baekhyun said and struggled his way out of Chanyeol’s embrace. “I quit.”

“No you can’t, you won’t, I understand, I will —”

“I don’t care! Don’t you understand, no matter what you do they will never stop?! You don’t know how it feels, Chanyeol, you don’t and never will so stop saying that you do!” Baekhyun shouted. His voice sounded so broken but he couldn’t bring himself to care.

Chanyeol could feel he was losing his own temper. “You’ve fought tooth and nails for this! You want this! You’re a top singer now, and why stop? Why,” he shook Baekhyun’s shoulders roughly, “this is your fucking dream, Baek, you fought for this. _We_ fought for this!”

Baekhyun pushed Chanyeol away roughly and pointed at the shattered papers on the floor. “Not this,” he snapped, then he paused and took a deep, shaky breath. “Never this.”

He felt his head pounding and his eyes heavy. “Why would you care anyway? Don’t you have your own dreams? Why don’t you just mind your own goddamn business and go chase your own and stop telling me how to live _my_ life!” The words felt sharp even to his own ears. He fixed his gaze on Chanyeol and he could see so much more in those wide eyes.

The next time he knew it he was being pushed against the wall and Chanyeol pressed his lips against his roughly. His eyes were opened wide in shock and Chanyeol pulled back just as fast as he pushed him on the wall. Chanyeol stepped back and there’s pain in his eyes.

“Because I love you,” Chanyeol whispered so low that Baekhyun couldn’t believe his own ears. “Because I love you.” Chanyeol repeated, gaze dropped on the floor.

 _Because_ you _are my dream._

Not long after Chanyeol felt his cheek sting and realized that Baekhyun had just slapped him, hard. He unconsciously moved the palm of his hand on his cheek. It felt hurt but even more was his heart.

In front of him, Baekhyun’s eyes were cold and unforgiving. “Get out.”

Chanyeol looked up and hoped that Baekhyun would take his words back and took his confession as a joke but Baekhyun remained still, expression devoid of any emotions.

“I’ll leave now. But please stay here. Don’t go anywhere, don’t do anything reckless anymore, okay? I’ll take care of everything.” Chanyeol said with a weak smile. He suddenly felt as if all of his energy had been sucked out of his body. He took his wallet and keys and put on his jacket before leaving, his heart was left shattered on the cold apartment floor.

After Chanyeol had finally left, Baekhyun sank to the floor, his body trembling. After a few moments he stood back up and went to his bedroom, stripped down his clothes and stepped into the bathroom.

Baekhyun followed his other self quietly into the bedroom and waited. It was thirty minutes later that he came out, a plain white towel wrapped loosely around his skinny waist. He watched silently as the singer put on the clothes he had on the day he woke up in the alley, slipping his cell phone and wallet into his pockets and without so much a pause left the apartment.

The edges of his vision were blurring away, but this time he felt oddly light and calm. Darkness devoured him steadily, until all that’s left was black, black, and black.

 

 

 

 

When he woke up, this time Baekhyun did not cry.

 

 

 

 

There was a chapel near the dance studio Jongin used to go to that he was fond of. He liked to go there and pray, because it’s always quiet and calming him. Not many liked to go there; usually people liked to go to bigger and grander churches so mainly it’s just him and occasionally, Sehun.

This year’s Christmas was a lonely one. His parents and sisters had gone off to Japan for holiday and he had to stay behind because his works were screaming at him to stay. Sehun wanted to stay at the hospital with Lu Han so he really had no choice but to spend the Christmas alone. Except...

No, Baekhyun would be too busy right now.

He sighed and quietly slipped in his hands into his coat’s warm pockets. The snow was falling lightly outside, slightly muffling the Christmas spirit all over the city. He took a seat in the front row and brought his hands together in a prayer. He was about to close his eyes when he felt his cell phone buzz in his pocket. Frowning, he took it out and found out that he’d got a new text.

It was from Baekhyun.

 

from: byun baekhyun

hey

 

He pressed his lips into a thin line and tries to suppress the weird feeling of butterflies fluttering their wings in his stomach. _Does Baekhyun miss me? Does he want to meet up, does he —_ He cringed at his own thought and shook his head. He needed to remain calm.

 

to: byun baekhyun

what’s up

 

from: byun baekhyun

it’s lonely here, chanyeol’s not home. can i come over?

 

Baekhyun arrived forty-five minutes later. He was warmly dressed in a few layers of dark-colored clothes with matching scarf wrapped loosely around his neck. He joined Jongin in the front row and seated himself right beside the taller man, their shoulders brushing against each other.

“I didn’t know you’re a religious person,” Baekhyun mumbled as he brought his hands together, eyes fluttering shut. Jongin chuckled softly, slightly shaking his head.

“What did you pray for?” Jongin asked quietly when Baekhyun had done praying.

Baekhyun turned his gaze on him, head tilted slightly. “Does it matter?”

Jongin hummed. “Perhaps.”

A comfortable silence fell then. The air was getting colder and Jongin was trying hard to resist the urge to lean towards Baekhyun to get more warmth. Instead, he closed his eyes and tried to distract his mind. He found himself automatically reciting legal jargons in his mind, just like all those years ago. _Cogitationis poenam nemo patitur, fiat justitia et pereat mundus, ignorantia legis excusant neminem, pacta sunt servanda..._

“I want to go back.” Baekhyun finally said, a sigh escaped his lips. The scenes of his dreams were coming back to him like a broken record. _It’s getting tiring._

_Appeal. Appallare._

_Second chance._

Jongin opened his eyes slowly. “Do you believe in parallel universe?”

Baekhyun stared at him questioningly, as if afraid he’s misheard the question. “Parallel universe?”

This felt so familiar Jongin wanted to laugh. He searched Sehun’s explanation years ago in the back of his mind and he surprised himself how he still remembered it so well, word by word; how could this be? “Another universe coexisting with our universe,” he recited slowly, “same timeline, same us, different realities.”

 _You could be dancing at the Broadway as we speak right now, in another universe,_ Sehun’s voice finished the sentence for him inside his head.

Baekhyun looked thoughtful but didn’t say anything, eyes still fixed on Jongin’s. Kyungsoo’s words a few weeks ago suddenly sprang in his mind.

_If you ask me, it feels more like there are two Baekhyuns and you’re being pulled out from some other world to this world and the other Baekhyun vanished as you came._

“Well,” he said carefully after a minute, “do you?”

“I...” Jongin faltered, his mind suddenly blank. He had mulled over this matter over and over in his mind since that day Sehun brought it up, but both _yes_ and _no_ frighten him. “Why do you want to go back, Baekhyun? Isn’t this your dream?” He asked instead and suddenly he felt something stirred inside him, but he couldn’t pinpoint why. He had been feeling some sort of strange feelings whenever Baekhyun was around, and the thought of Baekhyun leaving made him feel uncomfortable.

There was something in Baekhyun’s eyes that he couldn’t decipher. His dark brown eyes were calm as the night sea but he could also see something else hidden underneath, concealed by the calmness almost completely. He formed a smile, a delicate faint smile and Jongin thought he could almost see the irony underneath the beauty. “Because I miss you.”

Jongin could feel something break inside him by such a simple sentence. “But I’m here,” he heard himself saying, his voice unusually thick, “I’ve always been here.”

“You’re right,” Baekhyun said shakily, tears welling up in the corner of his eyes, “This is my dream. That’s why I have to wake up.”

_But what about me?_

_What about_ us _?_

“Being here makes me realize something important and I need to go back,” Baekhyun shook his head, “I need to go back.”

“You realized something.” Jongin echoed. Baekhyun nodded, but he needed explanation. “What is it?”

Baekhyun’s lips broke into another beautiful smile, but now there were tears streaming down his face. _No no no no don’t cry don’t cry I’m sorry —_

Jongin was about to reach in when he felt soft lips pressed against his.

_Oh._

 

 

 

 

(It’s you. It’s always been you.)

 

 

 

 

Lu Han fluttered his eyes open slowly. He had somewhat fallen asleep not long after Baekhyun’s departure, but how long had it been? He rubbed his eyes and yawned. He didn’t even know he could fall asleep in _here_. He took a look at his surrounding wearily. The white space looked as endless as it was before. He still had the spotless white robe on. The only change that he noticed was how exhausted he felt despite the supposedly long sleep he just had.

He could not even fathom on why he was still here.

The tall, delicate-looking yet sturdy door was still standing tall in front of him, unwilling to open itself. He let a sigh escaped his pale lips.

“It’s getting tiring, isn’t it?”

Lu Han sat up and turned around immediately in reflex. There was another man standing not far from him, wearing a white robe similar to his, only with beautiful golden and silver lines adorning the soft-looking material. He was smiling kindly at him, his frame glowing with what Lu Han could only describe as an angelic glow.

“Who are you?” Lu Han asked as he got on his feet, but he immediately felt dizzy and fell on his knees. The man gave him a concerned look and walked towards him. “Please, just lay down,” he said kindly, eyebrows lifted slightly. “I see you’re already in the process of weakening.”

A frown made its way to Lu Han’s flawless face. His vision became shaky for a brief moment before getting back to focus, much to his relief, although now he felt his head was starting to pound. “Weakening?”

The man reached out to take Lu Han’s hand in his and Lu Han let him examine his hand. He couldn’t help but to notice how pale his own hand was. The man squeezed it gently and looked straight into Lu Han’s wide eyes, a sad smile formed by his lips. “Why did you try to kill yourself, Lu Han?”

There’s pity in his voice and one of the things that Lu Han hated so much was to get pitied on, but something more important caught his attention. “Tried to?” Lu Han frowned, teeth digging into his lower lip. “You mean I’m not dead?”

The man did not answer to his question and averted his gaze on the door. “It _is_ amazing,” He mumbled after a thought, lifting his hand slightly. With a slight swirl of his fingers the white space changed into walls of what Lu Han thought look very similar to monitor-like screens, each screen playing a different scene, the edges clashed onto each other forming a strange mixture of different shades of colors as if they’re made from painting oils. He took a brief look at each of them and found out that they’re all about _him_.

The man pointed his finger at one of the screens in the center. Lu Han’s gaze followed the man’s slender finger and saw himself laying on a bed, eyes closed, what he supposed as life supporters are surrounding him.

And beside the bed was Sehun, looking at his sleeping form with sad eyes, hand holding his pale one so carefully as if it’s made from glass. He felt his heart clench.

“You’re still alive. Barely, should I say.” The man said softly, “But like I’ve said, you’re already in the process of weakening which means the next phase would be the final phase of death: total disengagement of your mortality.”

Lu Han averted his gaze to the man, eyebrows furrowed. “Then I’ll just... vanish?”

The man shook his head after a brief contemplative silence. “Not really, actually. It’s kind of complicated. You’re rebelling fate. You’re not fated to die like this yet you chose to. This would make some distortion in the world, as we have to rewrite some things so they would make sense.”

Lu Han shot the man an incredulous look. “But _this_ doesn’t make any sense.”

“It really doesn’t, does it,” the man admitted, but then he shook his head as if he’s shaking away unwanted thoughts filling his mind and cleared his throat. “I’m sorry, we’ve been really busy with things, I should have been here sooner to clear this out.”

“Sehun’s not supposed to be there,” Lu Han said after a thought, frowning. “He’s... We’re not together anymore. I was in Beijing. We didn’t even talk once after we broke up.”

The man gave him a small smile, a smile that invited attention and curiosity, a smile with thousands of words hidden beneath. “That’s the strange, special thing about soulmates. No matter how, you will always find your way back to each other. It’s a special kind of gravity, invisible yet it’s still definitely there.”

“Soulmates?” Lu Han echoed dumbly. The man merely smiled and said nothing. “Then what will happen to Sehun?”

_When I’m gone._

The man hummed, his expression looked like he’s in another far away world. “Oh Sehun, Oh Sehun; your other half. I was really impressed at the progress of your relationship but then this had to happen. Very unfortunate, I should say, but life must go on no matter what, Lu Han, so I’m afraid we’ll have to rewrite Oh Sehun’s fate too.”

Lu Han felt something inside him stirred. “Will he meet someone else?”

“Yes, most likely, although they won’t love each other. I mean, they’ll love each other to a certain degree, but it would never be the same because they’re not the right pair. See the dark-haired boy practicing wushu over there?” He pointed at a new scene not far from his left, “He’d most likely to be fated to meet Sehun, somehow, and he’d be a some sort of your replacement when you’re finally gone. Why, you ask. It’s because that boy’s other half had just passed away last week. Pity since they’ve never even met before, but they’ll get together eventually after all of this is over. We often match the people who’d lost their pair for their own sakes to go on in life, although sometimes we just can’t. The soulmate bond is just too strong sometimes. That’s why some people die not long after their loved ones did.“

The thought of Sehun with someone else made him uncomfortable. “That’s it?”

“This universe works in strange ways, Lu Han. Even _I_ can’t understand it sometimes, but that’s okay, some things in life aren’t supposed to be understood after all.” He paused, looking thoughtful for a moment before adding, “There’s also a boy that way crossed the line. We have to sort things out immediately, we have to, oh yes we really have to.” Then as if he just remembered something he looked at Lu Han. Lu Han raised his eyebrows. “I believe you know Byun Baekhyun?”

“Well, we met at some parties and talked a few times...” Lu Han tilted his head, a crease formed on his forehead. “But what does that have to do with any of this? And _who are you_?”

The man gave him a kind smile. “I’m Suho, the Head of Guardian Angels.”

“Guardian Angels?”

“Yes. We guard the Book of Fate and help humans to fulfill their destiny according to the Book. But you see, humans are full of flaws that they sometimes went astray from their destined track and that’s where we have to intervene.” Suho tapped his index finger on his chin impatiently. “ _This_ is one of the moments where we have to intervene.”

Lu Han blinked. “I don’t understand,” and he could feel exhaustion was starting to envelop his whole being, his vision was blurring away. “I...”

Suho immediately grasped Lu Han’s wrist and soon a soft glow appeared, creeping onto Lu Han’s pale skin, something akin to sadness in his eyes. “What makes you hold on onto your life for so long, Lu Han? Didn’t you want to die?”

Lu Han could feel a strange spark inside him and slowly regained his senses back. He shook his head weakly. “I don’t know. I thought I did.” He averted his gaze to Sehun on the center screen who was now placing a kiss gently on his forehead. “Now I’m not so sure anymore.”

Suho closed his eyes and was lost in thought for a moment before he opened his eyes again and grasped Lu Han’s wrist tighter to get his attention back to him, eyes fixed on Lu Han’s. “I want to give you a chance, but before that I need you to do something for me. Listen up as this is very important. The universe isn’t actually a _uni_ verse; there are parallel worlds that exist therefore it would be more appropriate to call it a multiverse. Same you, but different timeline and different realities coexist at the same time. That’s why sometimes you get... What do you call it, is it a déjà vu? Yeah something along that line. Do you follow?”

Lu Han stared at him blankly but Suho added impatiently, “The Baekhyun that you met here is not the Baekhyun from _your_ world. I believe he didn’t recognize you, correct? He is from another universe and because of an accident — I mean a _literal_ accident — he was thrown here and now he’s thrown into your world; thus the Baekhyun from your world had to be eliminated from your world. There cannot be two same persons in the same universe at the same time, that is an absolute law. We always make sure the portal to travel among the worlds closed but once in a while accidents _do_ happen,” he sighed at this, “I’m guessing now the Baekhyun from your world is trapped in this Baekhyun’s loved ones dreams instead, panicking, desperately wanting to come back. Both of them didn’t lose their memories at all and this has created distortions in both worlds.

“When a person is entering the final phase of death, we will normally give some kind of omen — I’ve heard some of you called it — to the loved ones of the said person. It would mostly be a dream, although in certain circumstances unusual happenings might occur. In case of a dream, the person will be granted the knowledge of their impending death and the power to say anything what they want to say as a goodbye, if you will, in the dream. Their knowledge of their death would be erased after they wake up, though.  Normally you should be appearing in Sehun’s dream soon, but I will make you appear in Baekhyun’s instead. I want you to guide him back to his world.”

Lu Han narrowed his eyes. “Guide him back to his world? How?” Then he paused as a realization dawned on him. “Are you saying that he has to go back and die?”

“Unfortunately that’s beyond my power to tell you,” Suho said apologetically. “The Baekhyun from your world is getting weaker and weaker because he doesn’t have a physical form right now and if we don’t do something about it soon, he will disappear. Well they _both_ can disappear, but I don’t think you should relay that information to him. All you have to say to him is that he should believe in himself and when the time comes, he will know what to do.” He gazes at a distance, as if trying to see through something Lu Han couldn’t see. “The time is soon.”

All of these were too much to take in that Lu Han started to get dizzy despite whatever it was Suho was doing with his hand. “But why _me_?”  

Suho closed his eyes as the glow on the palm of his hand got brighter and brighter and finally the glow vanished. Lu Han felt an odd sensation in his body and he realized that the exhaustion had vanished along with the glow. He lifted his gaze and found Suho’s moved his palm on his cheek. It felt very soft against his bare skin.

“Because he’ll trust you.”  Suho said softly, “You’re very precious, Lu Han.”

Suho leaned in and placed a kiss on Lu Han forehead, then backed away slowly with a dazzling smile on his lips. Lu Han felt heat crept up on his cheeks, his lips stammering something he himself couldn’t comprehend. Suho chuckled, ruffling Lu Han’s soft hair gently and then got on his feet. With another swirl of his fingers the wall of scenes was back into a plain white space as it was before. As he looked up, something suddenly crossed in Lu Han’s mind. “Aren’t angels supposed to have wings?”

Suho grinned. “Are we?” The next second a pair of white wings appear from his back, flapping lightly, surrounded with a soft white glow just like the rest of his body. In front of him Lu Han watched in awe, eyes opened wide. It was a stunning sight.

“We all have wings, Lu Han, although they can’t always be seen.” Suho smiled, “Hopes. Those are the greatest wings of all.”

And with that, Suho disappeared into the thin air.

 

 

 

 

The crowd’s cheers were deafening even from the backstage.

Baekhyun checked his ear monitor nervously, his heartbeats loud in his ears. He glanced at his reflection on a full-length mirror nearby and found himself dazed at the man staring back at him, all beautiful and dazzling. He unconsciously ran his fingertips across his face lightly, afraid to ruin the make-up applied with hours of effort from the stylists.

“Ready?”

He nearly jumped when he felt an additional weight on his shoulders. Chanyeol was patting his shoulders encouragingly, his trademark grin stretched on his face. Baekhyun bit his lip, unsure how to reply to that. Truthfully he didn’t know if he’d ever be ready for this. The thought of his life-long dream would be realized in a matter of seconds both excite and frighten him, but he found himself nodding anyway, a sheer determination perked up in his eyes.

“Baekhyun-ssi, it’s time to come out now!”

Both Baekhyun and Chanyeol turned to one of the staffs from near the stage, gesturing for the singer to come out. Baekhyun felt his heart lurch and fixed his gaze at Chanyeol once again, fear sinking in like a flood. Chanyeol simply offered him a soft smile and pulled him into a tight hug before pushing him away towards the stage.

A sense of drapetomania overwhelmed him that instant and he gripped at Chanyeol’s wrist hard, refusing to let go, his eyes screaming a silent plea of _I can’t I can’t I can’t —_

“You’ll do great,” Chanyeol whispered before he let the singer go, and the next thing he knew, Baekhyun was standing on the stage, his small frame bathed in the blinding spotlights and he fought the urge not to wince.

In front of him was an ocean of warm white lights.

 

_BYUN BAEKHYUN!_

 

_BYUN BAEKHYUN!_

 

_BYUN BAEKHYUN!_

 

He shivered slightly at the sudden feeling of adrenaline rushing in his veins. The cheers were loud but he felt his heartbeats were louder in his ears and he felt paralyzed, unable to move, memorized lines and moves slipping away from his memory. There’s a lump in his throat that he wasn’t quite sure how to get rid of. _Breathe_ , he told himself mentally, _you can do this_. He let a smile grows on his lips and the crowd screamed harder, chanting his name like the world was ending. He swept his gaze across the audience and unconsciously searched for those particular pair of warm, dark-brown eyes.

Kim Jongin was gazing at him from the front row, holding nothing but Baekhyun’s heart in his hands.

Baekhyun had never been fond of clichéd romantic movies or books, because it’s exaggerated and always too good to be true. _I mean, that slow motion they did as the characters kiss and then the sappy music playing in the background. Really. Since when is the world that kind, huh._ Okay maybe it’s because he’s one of those bitter forever alone guys but right now at this moment, he could swear the loud cheers were fading away along with the white lights ocean until all that’s left was Jongin, his lips curled into a smile that put Baekhyun’s heart on a whirl.

Just the two of them, like the way it used to be.

(like the way it’s _supposed_ to be)

Baekhyun took a deep breath and counted to three.

_One._

(The autumn wind blew gently on the school’s rooftop that day. Baekhyun and Jongin stood behind the metal railing, their elbows resting comfortably on it as they gazed up at the reddish skies.

 _Sing for me, hyung,_ Jongin said as he averted his gaze to the older boy. Baekhyun blew his bangs out of his eyesight, _You know, you ask me sing so often I’m thinking to charge you one of these days. Girl’s Generation has so many releases this year, you know._

Jongin simply nudged the shorter’s ribs which earned him a soft whine from the latter. Baekhyun pouted but opened his mouth anyway and the words to Insooni’s _A Goose’s Dream_ spilled out of his mouth. The gentle breeze and Jongin’s steady breathing accompany his small performance — if it could be called performance at all — words soaring towards the burning sky. When he’d finished, a comfortable silence fell in before Jongin suddenly asked, _Don’t you want to be on stage and sing for people?_ )

_Two._

(Baekhyun, taken aback, turned his gaze to the younger man, eyes opened wide. Jongin raised his eyebrows, waiting for his reply expectantly. Baekhyun felt something in him stirred at the thought of singing on stage with people cheering for him, but instead he could hear himself saying _It’s okay._ )

_Three._

(Jongin widened his eyes at his answer and Baekhyun averted his gaze back up. He could feel his cheeks burn as he said _I have you. That’s enough._ )

Baekhyun could almost hear Jongin’s snicker when he opened his mouth and soared.

 

 

 

 

Fireworks lurched towards the starless sky as the clock struck twelve a.m. People cheers loudly as the fireworks adorned the dark sky with various cheerful hues, earning amazed stares and gasps from the audience on the ground below.

After fifteen minutes, Baekhyun pulled himself quietly from the crowd and strode towards the parking lot. His glorious performance had ended thirty minutes previously and the audience and the casts had been relocated outside the TV station building to do the year-end countdown and to enjoy the fireworks prepared by the staffs.

He had lost Jongin in the sea of people, so he texted the younger to meet him at the parking lot behind the building. The staffs would be out to watch the fireworks together, so he decided it would be safe enough. After the performance he felt drained and somehow light-headed, the chants of his name still loud in his ears like that one song that stayed in your head for days and refused to go away.

He spotted Jongin leaning against his black Audi, eyes fixed at the fireworks above. Baekhyun stifled a smile that was threatening to bloom on his lips and took a deep breath, mentally telling himself to calm down, then strode towards the waiting man.

“Hey,” Baekhyun greeted quietly as he leaned beside the taller, shoulders brushing on each other. Jongin nearly jumped in surprise at the contact and quickly regained his composure, his red cheeks oblivious despite the fireworks illuminating the sky. “Your thick make-up scared me,” Jongin mumbled in defense which earned him a jab on his arm and a pout from Baekhyun.

“Happy new year,” Jongin said softly after a few moments of nothing but appreciating the sight above. Baekhyun merely hummed, eyes not leaving the iridescent sky. Jongin dropped his gaze to their brushing yet unlinked hands and he felt his heart race faster as his hand made its way to hold Baekhyun’s. Baekhyun immediately turned his attention to him, eyebrows raised. They locked gaze for a moment that felt like an eternity, but none of them moved away. Baekhyun thought he could see stars in those eyes, brighter than iridescent sparks of fireworks hovering over them in lieu of roofs. A smile melted onto his lips as those stars were inching closer and closer until what’s left was himself, staring right back through the dark-brown orbs.

“You’re perfect, you know that?” Jongin whispered and leaned in. As their lips met, Baekhyun found his vision fade into a supernova in myriad of hues exploded behind his eyelids.

 

 

 

 

Chanyeol swept his gaze across the sea of people, searching for one particular Byun Baekhyun. The singer was supposed to be there with the other performers enjoying the fireworks yet he’s now nowhere to be seen. Apparently, from what he’s got by talking to some other performers, Baekhyun was here until approximately ten minutes ago. Krystal said that she saw the singer heading towards the parking lot direction.

 _What is he doing there_ , Chanyeol sighed before the memory of Baekhyun disappearing those months ago came to his mind and the sasaengs and _fuck, the sasaengs?_

He ran towards the parking lot, brushing past people while _mianhamnida_ s rolled out from his tongue automatically. In his mind was _Baekhyun Baekhyun Baekhyun_ —

“Baekhyun,” He breathed out as he swerved towards the parking lot, eyes quickly scanning the area. The lighting was minimal so it was harder to see, but under the fireworks-tainted sky he could see a familiar figure leaning against a black Audi a few cars away, locking his gaze with another familiar man beside him. Chanyeol froze on his spot, where it was near enough to see yet far enough to be oblivious to the two. He held his breath.

(“Do you know what fireworks are called in Japanese, Yeol?”)

From there Chanyeol could see Jongin said something he couldn’t hear before leaning in to kiss Baekhyun.

(Chanyeol peeled his gaze off the sky and raised an eyebrow at Baekhyun. “Am I supposed to know that?”)

Chanyeol blinked and vaguely wondered why suddenly it felt hurt to breathe. He put a hand on his mouth shakily to prevent any noises from coming out, eyes glued to the scene in front of him. _Run,_ his mind screamed, _leave_ , but his body was refusing to move. The sensation was strange; a first for him, how he felt the air had grown ridiculously thin and his body paralyzed at the same time, yet the tears from the corners of his eyes spilled like a waterfall.

 _Move, dammit,_ Chanyeol told himself mentally and finally managed to pull himself behind the corner after a few more heartbeats where it’s quiet and immaculately hidden. He leaned against the cold wall and let the cool night air hugged him gently as he took a deep breath. _In. Out. In. Out._

He sank to the ground and brought his knees closer, burying his tear-streaked face into them. He’s still trembling.

(“ _Hanabi_. Flowers of fire.” Baekhyun’s smile was soft, cheeks turning a few shades redder.)

His heart was still breaking.

Not long after, he could hear the sound of a car started and went away into the night from a distance. The fireworks also stopped eventually and euphoria died down with them, leaving graying smokes floating around like clouds in the previously spotless dark sky.   

That night, under the murky Seoul sky, there were two men helplessly in love and a man with a ruptured heart.

Chanyeol lifted his gaze and stared at the sky and waited. He brought his palms up and perhaps he did expect the heaven to start crying, mourning for his miserable love life just like in the movies, but it didn’t. It simply stared back at him as the smokes cleared to give him a better view of its naked state; a seemingly endless sea of darkness, and for a split second there he thought he was staring at the core of his own heart. He fluttered his eyes shut and let a smile made its shaky way to his cold lips.

(“And somehow it always reminds me of you.”)

In his solitude, he realized that silence could be more deafening than a fray of exploding fireworks.

 

 

 

from: byunbaek

Chanyeol, looks like I won’t be home tonight. I’m ok, I just want to hang out with a friend so don’t worry too much and get plenty of sleep, okay? I promise I won’t make any trouble. I’m sorry and thank you, yeol. I know I can always count on you. 

_Delete this message?_

_Yes_

 

 

 

 

Baekhyun fell asleep in the comfort of Jongin’s comfy king-sized bed, warm blanket, and the security of Jongin’s arms wrapped around his body. Maybe it was after their tenth kiss or hundredth _I love you_ s, he’s not really sure.

One thing that he’s sure of, though, was that it hasn’t been long since he had drifted off when his eyes fluttered back open and a familiar set in white entered his blurred vision.

“Baekhyun-ssi?”

Baekhyun blinked and realized that there’s someone peering over him. “Lu Han?”

Lu Han offered him a smile and extended a hand towards him. Baekhyun took it mindlessly and sat up, taking in his surrounding in his barely conscious state. The whole thing actually looked and felt familiar. “Am I dying?” He asked Lu Han, eyes widened as realization dawned upon him. “Oh my God. I am, aren’t I? Everything before this — all of those aren’t real, are they?”

Baekhyun suddenly had the urge to cry.

“Yes and no, Baekhyun-ssi,” Lu Han replies sympathetically, “You _are_ dying.” He paused and murmured solemnly, “We both are.”

“But that doesn’t mean what you’ve experienced wasn’t real.” He paused again and his expression turned pensive. “I… You didn’t recognize me when we first met here, did you?”

Baekhyun shook his head, suddenly feeling embarrassed for some unknown reason. “I didn’t.”

Lu Han smiled. “It’s okay. What made you remember, though? You called me Lu Han earlier.”

Baekhyun did not immediately answer. “I… I saw you. At the hospital.”

“Ah, I see,” Lu Han responded kindly but something in his expression changed. It was darker; sadder. “Did you meet Sehun?”

“I did.” Baekhyun admitted and the image of Sehun’s sad smile flashed in his mind. “He misses you so much,” he said quietly, just loud enough for Lu Han to hear.

Lu Han said nothing in response this time and instead sat down beside him, lifting his gaze to the matching perpetual white ceiling.

“Why am I here, Lu Han?”

Lu Han averted his gaze back to Baekhyun, a small smile on his lips. “Don’t worry. You’re safe; your physical body is still sleeping and now you’re inside your own dream. Completely harmless, except you don’t want it to.” He let out a laugh. “I’m simply visiting. I have something important to tell you.”  

Baekhyun raised his eyebrows. “What is it?”

“You see,” Lu Han bit his lower lip in hesitation. He’s thinking about how he should explain all of what Suho had said to him and how he could actually _convince_ Baekhyun, which would be pretty difficult, he assumed, because even now he himself still couldn’t comprehend the information. It almost felt like it’s too good to be true. “It’s a little bit... ridiculous.”

Baekhyun shrugged. “Try me.”

Because, honestly, he didn’t think anything could surprise him at this point.

Lu Han gave him a small, apologetic smile before clearing his throat and continued. “Apparently this world is not a universe,” he started slowly, eyes fixed on Baekhyun as if gauging the shorter’s response. “It’s, uh, a _multiverse_. You see, when the car crash happened, you got thrown out of your world into mine and you in _my_ world into yours and it creates…” he paused, a slight frown on his forehead as he rummaged into his brain for the right word to use. “… _distortions_ in both worlds because both of you didn’t lose your memories.” He lets out a soft sigh. “You need to go back, Baekhyun-ssi.”

Baekhyun knitted his eyebrows. “A multiverse?”

Lu Han nodded. “Same you, but different timeline and different realities coexist at the same time,” he repeated Suho’s words.

_Do you believe in parallel universe?_

“Like a parallel universe?” Baekhyun whispered.

Lu Han merely hummed as response and a contemplative silence fell. Lu Han braced himself with impending arguments from Baekhyun but the question coming out from his lips was surprisingly familiar: “Will I die then? When I get back.”

Lu Han couldn’t help but notice the sadness in Baekhyun’s voice. “Unfortunately I don’t know, Baekhyun-ssi,” he smiled sadly. “All I know is that you have to trust yourself and when the time comes, you’ll know what you have to do.”

Baekhyun blinked. “What do you mean?”

Lu Han shook his head, head hung low. “I’m sorry, Baekhyun-ssi, but there’s really nothing more I could tell you,” he said, voice breaking, and when he lifted his face Baekhyun could see tears streaming down his face. “It is soon,” Lu Han whispered. “The time is soon.”

It was the last thing Baekhyun managed to hear before everything disappeared completely.

 

 

 

 

Baekhyun snapped his eyes open.

“Baekhyun? Are you okay?”

He blinked to refocus and was greeted with a faceful of a concerned Jongin. There’s a damp feeling on the corner of his eyes. He traced his fingers along own his cheek and was immediately met with warm, streaming tears. He opened his mouth but all he managed to let out were choked up sobs. He brought his hands up to cover his mouth, but he’s only trembling harder before Jongin brought him into his arms. “Shh, it’s okay, it’s only a bad dream,” Jongin murmured, hand soothing the shorter’s back gently. “I’m here. You’re safe now.”

Baekhyun nodded and stopped trembling eventually, but his fingers were still clutching firmly onto the soft fabric of Jongin’s clothes. He took a lungful of air shakily and exhaled. “I’m sorry,” he whispered, “I’m sorry.”

“Why are you sorry. It’s okay,” Jongin chuckled, ruffling Baekhyun’s hair gently. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Baekhyun quietly shook his head in his arms and Jongin let out a small sigh. “Okay, then. Do you want to go back to sleep?” He offered softly and glanced at the clock. “We still have two more hours before my alarm goes off. Do you want to eat out for breakfast? I know this really great place —”

“No,” Baekhyun mumbled suddenly, slowly backing away and looked up at Jongin’s questioning stare. “No. I have to go home. Maybe next time?”

“Next time,” Jongin repeated. He was silent for a moment before he hummed. “Okay. Next time sounds good.”

“I’m really sorry, Jongin,” Baekhyun sighed, burying his face back into Jongin’s embrace. “I just remember that I have something important I have to do.”

“Something important, huh. Work?”

Baekhyun swallowed. “Yeah. Work.”

“Okay. Now go back to sleep, alright? I’ll be right here protecting you from the bad guys,” Jongin teased lazily and put a gentle kiss on Baekhyun’s forehead. Baekhyun pouted but snuggled closer anyway, eyes fluttering shut. “Thank you, Jongin. Really.”

Jongin chuckled and kissed the top of the older’s head. “I love you.”

When he did not get any reply in return, Jongin did not say anything more and shut his eyes. He mentally told himself to stop thinking before he finally fell asleep at the hundredth of Baekhyun’s heartbeat.

 

 

 

 

Chanyeol was about to eat a plate of _al dente_ spaghetti he made himself for breakfast when the bell rang. The clock on the wall showed eight-thirty a.m. As he walked to the door, he wondered who his early visitor would be. It could be Jinki, one of the management staffs, asking about Baekhyun’s sudden disappearance last night (or very early morning, he could say); or it could be Taemin, the sweet neighbor next door, delivering some cookies or dishes he had just made.

One thing he was sure, though, that it would not be Baekhyun. Considering what he had just seen some hours ago and the text he’d got, Baekhyun would most unlikely to be home this early. Chanyeol was expecting him to return at least after lunch; and maybe that’s why when he opened the door to a weary-looking Baekhyun, Chanyeol just stood there in the doorway, eyebrows shooting up hiding behind his messy bangs.

“Um, good morning?” Baekhyun smiled nervously. Chanyeol looked at the surrounding almost immediately and found no sign of Jongin. He fixed his gaze back to Baekhyun and cleared his throat. “Uh, yes. Baekhyun. Good morning.”

Baekhyun pressed his lips into a thin smile, eyebrows rising. Chanyeol simply continued to stare until Baekhyun snapped him out of his daze by saying, with a small voice, “Can I come in now? It’s, uh, kinda cold out here.”

Chanyeol blinked out of his reverie. “Of — of course! Yes! Come on in,” he finally laughed awkwardly, stepping aside; letting the singer in. _Thanks_ , Baekhyun mumbled in between his trembling lips and slid in.

“I thought you wouldn’t be coming until noon,” Chanyeol started when they’re both inside the apartment, scratching the nape of his neck slowly out of nervousness. “I didn’t make you breakfast,” he continued when Baekhyun took a seat across from his at the dining table. Baekhyun rose his gaze to the taller man, a small smile bloomed on his lips. “It’s okay, I’ve eaten,” he lied smoothly and wordlessly urged Chanyeol to continue eating. Chanyeol returned the smile hesitantly and sat down, eyes on his untouched plate of spaghetti. His previous hunger had disappeared somewhere somehow. He didn’t feel like eating right now.

“You’re not eating that?” Baekhyun asked, the small smile still on his lips. He looked worn-out; his eyes dark, lips slightly chapped, face bare with only faint remnants of the heavy eyeliner he had worn the previous night. He looked like he hadn’t got any sleep and it’s not like Chanyeol’s surprised he hadn’t. Actually Chanyeol almost _expected_ him to and as much as he didn’t want to ask, the only question in mind was _so how was last night_ and asking Baekhyun so would sound inappropriate even to his own ears. “Uh. No?”

Baekhyun burst into laughter and Chanyeol found himself (dumbly) laughing along. “Whatever happened to you, Yeol? You look so out of it,” Baekhyun managed to say in between his laughter.

Chanyeol felt heat rising on his cheeks and pouted. “I’m fine,” he huffed. “How are _you_? Are you okay?”

Baekhyun’s smile visibly faltered. “Yeah,” He said nevertheless. _Okay_ would be enough for now. “I’m okay.”

Chanyeol raised an eyebrow, unconvinced. Baekhyun cleared his throat and decided that the dining table was far more interesting than usual. Chanyeol sighed and started to roll the pasta with the fork absentmindedly. “You can always, you know, tell me things and stuff,” Chanyeol said softly after a few mouthfuls. The spaghetti was already cold by then and he slightly regretted not adding more cheese.

Baekhyun chuckled. “Yeah, I know,” and after a thought he added: “Thank you.”

“Did something happen?”

It took Baekhyun a moment to reply. Should he tell Chanyeol? But then again, what should he tell Chanyeol? He didn’t even know what had happened and what’s going to happen exactly and when; all he’s doing is looking for a needle in a haystack blindly right now.

“I think I need more sleep,” Baekhyun said instead and got up. He could see Chanyeol eyeing him from his peripheral vision, unspoken question marks hung in the air.

“I’m okay,” Baekhyun reaffirmed in front of his door and gave Chanyeol a thin smile. Chanyeol didn’t waver but didn’t say anything either. Baekhyun gave him a small nod and entered the room wordlessly.

Baekhyun didn’t come out of his room for the rest of the day and Chanyeol did nothing to make him to.

 

 

 

 

Days passed without so much of remarkable events took place. Baekhyun had begun coming to the company and retracing the path the other Baekhyun had left. He had tried to mimick the simple dance moves and to sing few of his many songs. They were nice indeed and he had even made some his own personal favorite and then before he knew it, the cold January had changed into a warmer — albeit still cold enough for Baekhyun to wear layers of clothes — February.

Baekhyun had been thinking about Lu Han’s words and still he couldn’t come up with any satisfying explanation. _The time is soon_ , Lu Han had said, and Baekhyun had been waking up anxiously in the mornings, not knowing what a new day would bring. Maybe a black hole would appear in one corner of his room and suck him in, maybe an alien would pick him up back to his world, or maybe he would simply disappear into the thin air. Either way terrified him.

And then there’s Jongin.

He hadn’t been in touch with Jongin as much as he wanted to lately. Jongin had been busy with work and Chanyeol insisted that he should come over to the company regularly, that his hiatus could only be hold for so long. Now that they had seen what Baekhyun was capable of at the new year’s show, the company started planning for his much-awaited comeback.

Baekhyun decided to take a rest and sat down on the floor in one of the company’s spacious practice rooms. He glanced at the clock. It read 9 PM. Jongin should be home by now. He took his phone and began texting Jongin.

to: kim jongin

hi what r u doing

 

from: kim jongin

work, will be finished soon though. what’s up? how r u? everything’s ok, right?

 

to: kim jongin

yeah i’m fine and everything’s ok :). i miss you is all.

 

from: kim jongin

no flirting at work ;)

 

to: kim jongin

duh 

 

from: kim jongin

jk, i miss you too… i was also going to text you, to be honest. anyways, guess who’s being promoted today ;)

 

to: kim jongin

please do enlighten me

 

from: kim jongin

it’s me ;)

 

to: kim jongin

oh wow such amaze much shock

 

from: kim jongin

ha ha ha very funny. say, r u free for dinner tomorrow?

 

to: kim jongin

congratulations on your promotion *^v^*. and yeah i guess, why?

 

from: kim jongin

thank you :). have dinner with me?

 

to: kim jongin

and why should i agree to that?

 

from: kim jongin

please? i have something important to tell you and the food at the restaurant we’ll be going to is great

 

to: kim jongin

now now should i be scared? are you bribing me with food? that, sir, is unfair

 

from: kim jongin

pretty pretty please? :(

 

from: kim jongin

i really do have something important to tell you. here’s the address —

 

from: kim jongin

you have to come, okay? you have to

 

from: kim jongin

baekhyun?

 

from: kim jongin

baekhyun, is everything ok?

 

from: kim jongin

baekhyun…?

 

 

Baekhyun shut his phone off and exhaled. He let his gaze wander to the calendar on the wall. Today was marked February 13th, 2020.

He took a deep breath and fluttered his eyes shut.

 

 

_The time is soon._

 

 

from: byunbaek

yeol, could you please clear all of my schedules tomorrow?

 

 

 

 

 

Baekhyun was quiet on their ride home, Chanyeol noticed. After he’d got the message, Chanyeol immediately went to find the shorter man only to find him in the usual practice room, sitting on the floor in one corner, face buried in his palms, knees brought close to his chest. He was trembling.

For a moment there Chanyeol was unmoving, stunned. The scene before him had brought a sense of déjà vu. Shaking his thoughts away, Chanyeol closed the door behind him quietly and approached the trembling man. His hand is reaching out for the older man but he stopped abruptly as the man looked up, tears on his cheeks. It clenched Chanyeol’s heart, the sight. The memory of the night Baekhyun left came to his mind. He pulled his hand down to his side, forcing a thin smile on his lips. His lips and throat felt dry.

“Hi,” he half-whispered, crouching down in front of the man. “Hi. What’s wrong, Byunbaek?” He croaked.

Baekhyun stared blankly at him for a moment before he, to Chanyeol’s surprise, chuckled. It grew into a soft laugh and it got louder as he wiped his tears away. The laugh subsided into sobs not long after, though, and that moment Chanyeol brought the smaller man into his arms, soothing him with gentle, careful touches and comforting whispers.

Baekhyun sobbed silently in Chanyeol’s arms, fingers tugging at the fabric of Chanyeol’s t-shirt tightly. Baekhyun didn’t make any attempt to explain and Chanyeol didn’t try to make him to. He knew it had been hard for Baekhyun these past few months, since that eventful night. Even now Chanyeol wasn’t so sure if he should be grateful that Baekhyun didn’t remember about that night at all but on the other hand, seeing Baekhyun broken like this broke his heart. Throughout the years he had been fixing and mending the other male, helping him shape himself to the celebrated singer he was now. He had broken himself in the process, if he’s being honest with himself, but he didn’t really mind. He could break himself a thousand times if it meant it would save Baekhyun. Baekhyun was precious to him — himself, not so much. He sometimes wondered if it was obsession rather than love, but when he saw Baekhyun’s many _sasaeng_ s, he decided it’s definitely not the former.

Baekhyun eventually stopped crying and Chanyeol decided it would be best for them to head home and call it a day. Baekhyun still hadn’t said anything and let the songs played on the radio fill the silence that inevitably fell upon them.

( _I bruise you, you bruise me; we both bruise so easily_ )

Chanyeol tapped his fingers on the steering wheel impatiently as they waited for the red light to turn green. He glanced at the other male subtly, slightly worried that he would begin crying again. Baekhyun was staring out of the window, expression unreadable. Chanyeol would rather see Bakehyun screaming his heart out than bottling his emotions inside like this, keeping Chanyeol in the dark.

The raindrops were dotting on the windshield, falling steadily from the murky skies when Baekhyun finally spoke.

“If you have only a day left to live, how would you spend it, Chanyeol?

Chanyeol’s eyebrows furrowed at the question. “Why would you ask that?”

Baekhyun shrugged. “Curiosity.”

Chanyeol let out a sigh. “I don’t know, never thought about it. I’d probably spend it sleeping in or eat lots of food,” he joked. In his peripheral vision he could see Baekhyun smiling slightly. Chanyeol felt a smile tugging at the corners of his own lips. He’d always thought Baekhyun looked beautiful smiling. “But it depends, of course,” he said softly.

( _and all my plans keep falling through; all my plans they depend on you_ )

“Depends, huh.” Baekhyun echoed.

Chanyeol nodded. “What about you?”

Baekhyun chuckled. “I don’t know either,” he answered honestly. “Perhaps singing my favorite songs.” He said and hummed softly before singing along the song playing on the radio. He knew this one — _All I Know_.

( _they say in the darkest night there’s a light beyond_ )

“You knew this song?”

“Yeah, I like this song, actually,” Baekhyun smiled and he went on.

( _and the ending always comes at last; endings always come too fast_ )

Chanyeol felt the time beat slower as he listened to Baekhyun’s singing softly. It felt like he wasn’t singing but speaking, truly, sincerely.

( _they come too fast and they pass too slow_ )

Baekhyun shifted his gaze to the taller man and there’s a sad smile gracing his soft features. Chanyeol resisted the urge to reach out to touch the other’s face and opted to instead return the smile with one of his own. It was Baekhyun who reached out to touch his face, gently, to Chanyeol’s surprise. Chanyeol’s immediately froze at the touch, eyes wide.

“Are you happy, yeol?”

Chanyeol said nothing in response and continued staring into those warm dark-brown eyes. “I am,” came Chanyeol’s soft reply a moment later. _As long as I have you by my side_. “I really am.”

“Good,” Baekhyun said softly. “I’m glad you are.”

( _I love you … it’s all I know_ )

 

 

 

 

to: kim jongin

sorry for the late reply. sure, let’s have dinner tmr.

 

 

 

 

Jongin tried to comb his hair to perfection for the nth time that evening. He was determined to look his best this particular evening. This was going to be an important day.

He glanced at the clock which displayed six p.m. He still had an hour before his appointment with Baekhyun at the nice restaurant French restaurant forty minutes drive away from his apartment. He had to hurry up if he didn’t want to be late.

 _I have something to tell you_ , was what he had said to Baekhyun last night. He had been contemplating about this for a while.

He had to tell Baekhyun that he did love him.

He had to ask Baekhyun to be with him.

It might sound crazy but these past five months with Baekhyun had been wonderful and Jongin didn’t think that he could bear it if Baekhyun was not by his side. It reminded him of Sehun’s question years ago: _do you believe in soulmates?_ to which he had replied with a _maybe_ or something along that line, he couldn’t really remember exactly.

The restaurant was busy as usual when he arrived. It was a famous restaurant with a long-list of reservations and it was the valentine’s day after all, but with the help of one of his colleagues, he had managed to get a reservation the last minute.

He had never been here before but the place felt oddly familiar. The decorations, the delicious smell of food, the layout; the seemingly endless, hushed chatter.

It felt like a place he had visited in a dream.

A long-forgotten dream.

Jongin took a seat on his reserved spot in one corner just beside the window, one of the quieter ones at the restaurant. He bit his lower lip, glancing at his wristwatch nervously. _Ten minutes_.

He tapped his fingers on the white tablecloth absentmindedly, eyes gazing outside the window. Turned out that rain had begun to pour outside, blurring the street lamps’ lights. After five more minutes passed, his phone buzzed from inside his pocket and he took it out, fingers quickly tapping on the screen. _The road’s blocked_ , the text said, _I’m going to be late_. He turned his gaze to the blurring lights outside the window once again, eyes narrowed.

The dark skies didn’t look like it was going to stop crying soon.

 

 

 

 

It’s the darkness again.

Baekhyun fluttered his eyes open and blinked.

“Welcome back.”

Baekhyun immediately turned to the source if the voice and found Lu Han, a small smile playing on his lips.

“Lu Han…” Baekhyun faltered. His voice was rough, as if he hadn’t been drinking anything for days, and yet he oddly didn’t feel thirsty at all. He let his eyes wander to the familiar looking door across him. Lu Han was standing by it, attire not changed since Baekhyun’s last visit here.

“I see you’ve made it.” Lu Han smiled kindly. “Now that you’re here, we can move along.”

Baekhyun furrowed his eyebrows. “Move along? To where?”

“Home.” Lu Han answered simply and turned his back on the other male, facing the door.

_Home…_

“I’m going first, if you don’t mind,” Lu Han said softly. “It’s supposed to be working by now.”

Baekhyun nodded silently, albeit knowing Lu Han couldn’t see him with his back on the shorter male. Lu Han take a tentative step forward, his hand reaching out to the handle. As if he remembered something, he stopped and turned to Baekhyun.

“Go after I’ve got in and the door has been closed again, okay? Don’t go right after me when the door still opens.”

“Okay,” Baekhyun bit his lip. “Will it really take me home? To my old life?”

Lu Han stared at him with those gentle eyes, thin lips slowly breaking into a smile. “It depends on what your definition of home might be.”

And with that, Lu Han turned back to the door and with one gentle motion, he opened the door slowly.

“It’s nice meeting you, Baekhyun-ssi. I hope we would meet again, in whichever world Fate has chosen for us.” Lu Han smiled and steps into the light.

The door was shut.

Baekhyun shortened the distance between him and the door in utter silence. He closed his eyes and pieces from different times of his life came rushing in, playing in the back of his eyelids like a muted, documentary-like movie. It reminded him of the thought he was having shortly after his first crash — a few minutes (or even _ages_ , he’s not really sure) away from his first visit here.

That the memories-flashing thing only happened to good people as they’re dying.

 _Is this it then_ , he wondered as he rested his hand on the door’s handle, eyes fluttering back open. _Am I really going to die this time…_

He sank his teeth on his lower lip, eyes looking up to the seemingly perpetual white ceiling. He remembered the Chanyeol he knew so well; the never-ending ball of energy and sunshine who shone just a little too bright, and the Chanyeol he got to know in the recent short few months, the Chanyeol who _loved_ him, protected, and sacrificed everything for him.

And there’s Lu Han whom he hadn’t even met before. What would his eventual meeting with Sehun be like? Would they still be together too in his part of the world…

And then of course, there’s also Jongin.

He clenched his fist. His eyes felt wet, heart beating in an uneven rhythm.

He’s not ready for this.

_I don’t want to go towards the light._

He opened his eyes.

_But Jongin, what could be dangerous about a promise of home?_

He took in a sharp breath as tears rolled down his cheeks, hand reaching for the door’s handle.

A tug; a glimpse of light.

_I miss you._

The light was as blinding as he remembered.

_Please come back._

 

 

 

 

_I love you._

 

 

 

 

 

The next time he came to, Baekhyun could only hear the sound of the pouring rain. In his hand, the light emiting from his cellphone’s monitor was glaring harshly at him. On the screen, a notification on his message being sent was displayed. Eyebrows slightly knitted, he checked the message.

 _The road’s blocked_. _I’m going to be late_.

Then realization hit him.

He immediately checked his surrounding in bewilderment, finding that he’s inside his own car, situation all too familiar. It was only minutes from the crash.

He glanced at the time.

He felt frozen and stayed still, as if paralyzed. A few minutes later, he could hear the familiar sound of a bigger vehicle coming, fast-speed, lights blinding.

But he’s on the safe side.

He would be okay this time.

… wouldn’t he?

Trembling, he dialed a number from his cell phone.

“Hello?” The voice at the other end answered immediately. Baekhyun could hear nervousness in his tone and felt a small smile growing on his slightly trembling lips.

“Jongin,” he said softly after a brief silence. “Jongin.”

“Hyung?” Jongin asked, confused. “Are you okay?”

“I am… I am.” Baekhyun chuckles. “Hey, Jongin?”

“Yes?”

“I love you.”

The truck drove fast.

And this time, it was driven past him. Baekhyun’s breath hitched.

“Hyung…” Jongin said softly, but he did not continue.

Baekhyun felt tears begin to stream down his cheeks.

“I love you, oh God, I really _do_ ,” he sobbed. “ _I love you_.”

Jongin’s reply came a few seconds later, all gentle and soft, and that moment Baekhyun thought he was finally, finally _home_.

 

 

 

 

_I love you too, hyung. With all my heart._

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> And that's a wrap! For now, at least lol. I have an epilogue and some kind of spin-off planned but since I have not finished writing them yet, I can't really promise anything!
> 
> As I have mentioned earlier, this story was originally meant to be a big bang challenge entry. However, things did not work out and I decided rather than waiting for another year with uncertainty, I would rather post it now instead. Since this was written in 2012 - 2015, there is bound to be some OOC-ness from the characters since the boys have grown so much! Also, I listened to Lee Seunggi's Return a lot while writing this. You're welcome to try reading this story while listening to the song or listen to the song after you've finished! I personally think the song fits the story's overall vibe rather nicely. This story was supposed to be posted on my LJ account but I kept getting the Text Too Large message and I just can't be bothered to break this down in several parts like I used to do in the past at the moment. Maybe later lol.
> 
> This is also my first EXO fic in two years. In my last EXO fic in 2015, I mentioned that I might have to take a long hiatus until the end of 2017 from writing and fandom(s) in general. I did not expect that I would not be able to write for the Fandom at all for that long, but so many irl things have been happening since then (finishing degrees, moving to other countries, etc etc) that had taken up a lot of my time. By posting this I hope I would be able to return to writing for the Fandom again, albeit not as frequent as I used to before. 
> 
> This story was, as per usual, unbeta-ed. All mistakes are solely mine. 
> 
> That's all for now, thank you so much for reading and I hope to see you all again soon with another story!


End file.
